E108 - The UC Playbook: Raw Vs. Candid Conversation

Ever found yourself sugarcoating words until your message loses its edge? Lance Furiyama joins us to champion the raw power of communication, where frankness can unexpectedly cut through noise and foster effectiveness. We navigate the origins of Lance's forthright style, deeply rooted in the unadorned cadences of Pigeon English, and unpack how a touch of authenticity can make for compelling conversations. A personal anecdote brings to life a moment where Lance's genuine approach sparked a memorable UC moment, reminding us all of the transformative impact of staying true to our voices.

This episode also serves as your compass in the complex terrain of radical candor, guiding you through the nuance of honesty blended with empathy. Seven essential tips lay the groundwork for conversations that resonate with clarity, usefulness, and respect. As we navigate the dance between embracing change and preserving authenticity, we delve into how candid exchanges, when handled with care, can cultivate growth and enrich relationships. Join us for an exploration that promises to equip you with the finesse of radical candor, a tool that when wielded wisely, can usher in profound personal and communal metamorphoses.:

Here is a link to episode 22 were we discussed Truth , lies and candor: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2zS3NFp0pU&list=PL58DOlv5Vk2OHipHnbwDL_dMKhYA6B9jv&index=86&pp=gAQBiAQB

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

Welcome to the Uncom communicator podcast, where we bring enlightenment to the topic of communication. Are you ready to take ownership of your conversations? Are you looking to possess the skills to navigate and facilitate conversations to a mutual understanding? What are you waiting for? Grab your growth mindset and let's go.

Speaker 1: 0:29

Welcome to this week's episode of the Uncom communicator podcast, the UC playbook as we like to call it. We will be following up on our interview with Lance Furiyama A lot of great things that we discussed during that conversation. We went in talking generally about raw communication. That's how Lance described his communication style. I'd never heard of that kind of terminology and trying to understand it a little bit better. I think I got a better understanding after talking with him what he meant by that. What we will do today in the UC playbook is dive a little bit deeper into what is raw communication and also how does that apply to candor? I think radical candor is going to be very important to talk about, especially in regards to transferring from the raw communication over to the idea of a radical candor.

Speaker 1: 1:21

Raw communication was unique. We had really thought about the definition of what raw communication is. It describes a type of communication that is without finesse. That's what I said to Lance. I'm like Lance, you have finesse, but it's without finesse, but it's direct. That is probably the only positive description that I could find in regards to raw communication, because the next description is it stings, it creates a tension beyond what anyone normally desires in a relationship. It makes it really sound like this is raw and painful and hurtful. Then, of course, they ended. This definition was sometimes raw communication can be unexpectedly effective. That may be the case, I think, if you tie it into radical candor. Raw can a lot of times mean unpolished, natural, unsophisticated, simple. Those are a lot of definitions that we would find in describing a raw communication. If you have a raw communication, you can certainly develop it and build it up.

Speaker 1: 2:25

When we dug a little deeper, we began to understand where did Lance come up with this kind of idea of this raw communication? He mentioned how, where he grew up on the island in Hawaii, they spoke a lot of Pigeon English. I wasn't completely familiar with this term. The language about North and North Pigeon English is mom. This is a description of it.

Speaker 1: 2:45

It is a grammatically simplified means of communication and what that means is when you're in and it's tied to several different locations where they have developed a pigeon language. Creole sometimes is referred to as a pigeon language, but it's a language where you're kind of mixing words between two different languages and you come up with your own language and terminology and words. And this happens all the time, very much locally, maybe in Colorado, maybe in California, maybe in New York, maybe you go down to the South. All of these areas have these kind of variations of it. It's not considered pigeon English, but it can appear to be unpolished and especially unknown to those that are outside of that region or that area, so developing in this kind of pigeon English idea. It is definitely an unpolished and could sometimes come across as being raw.

Speaker 1: 3:40

And one of the stories that Lance shared is when he was given a speech. He's working on his grammar, working on his vocabulary, which is always a great thing to do, but you don't want your vocabulary to go beyond what you are comfortable being able to talk like. And he was in a room when he was sharing the story where he was given a presentation and using some of these words and even himself he realized that this was not him. He ditched it and then he just kind of gave what in his interpretation, a raw example of the presentation that he was given. He just went and was himself with it. And when you're yourself and that's where we ended up with the UC moment is be yourself. That's the best way that you could ever present. Don't try to be anything else, don't try to be someone else. That doesn't mean that you can't develop yourself and become that better person, but it has to come from a natural state. So, coming and developing from that raw communication, I wanna turn it to the idea of candor Now in episode 22, we covered that on the uncommon communicator. I'll put a link into the show notes to that episode where we talked about truth, lies and candor. But this one I wanna dive a little bit deeper specifically into candor. How can we utilize this in our communication? And this is something as well that can be developed.

Speaker 1: 4:54

Some people who come across unreserved, you think they have this radical candor as described by Jill Scott. But this radical candor is different than just being hurtful and that's what we'll find out here. Now. Candor is described as unreserved, honest or sincere expression. It's really about the definition says unreserved. I think there is some reserveness that is required in being an effective giver of candor. Another description is a quality of being open and honest in expression. Frankness that, I think, is one of the best words that really describes the idea of candor. It's often referred to as being refreshing, like wow, some refreshing candor instead of all the sugar, just like when we get in a sugar coma, especially after the holidays. Too much sugar in words doesn't bring any benefit or value. It's too sweet.

Speaker 1: 5:51

Now in radical candor by Jim Scott, she calls radical as being far-reaching or thorough. That's how she defines the candor. We wanna be far-reaching, we wanna dive in, we wanna be as thorough as we can, and the definition of candor is being open and honest in your expression. So in other words, radical candor is the quality of being thoroughly open and honest with others thoroughly. That's a difficult challenge to overcome to be thoroughly honest, and to be thoroughly honest in a respectful way, like when it comes to work and management. It means balancing the stuff out.

Speaker 1: 6:24

You have to be careful in how you give this radical candor to your team members, because ultimately, your goal should be to help them improve. If your goal isn't to help somebody improve, then your radical candor becomes just your opinion that somebody needs to change. There's seven tips that I'm gonna give you today in talking about radical candor that will hopefully guide you away from being that opinion, from being hurtful, but to go in conscientiously, to be there, to sincerely wanna help somebody. And first it starts with the key that that individual needs to want to be helped. So that's one of the first things that we need to look at Is this individual open for candor?

Speaker 1: 7:06

Now, radical, candid, radically candid criticism has to be crystal clear. It can't be fuzzy, it can't be just too wishy-washy. You have to be clear about it. It's easy to say, it's very hard to do, it's very hard to be clear and it's very hard to separate our biases and our emotions out of this. But being clear means leaving no room for interpretation about what you really think. Like, don't be so vague about it that you know you should work on this or that. You have to be crystal clear, and sometimes you've got to look internally first to know how to be able to say those things clearly. Because if you don't, then there's a good chance you're just kind of diving into your own opinion and there's a possibility that your opinion is wrong. So first be crystal clear about your intentions. The next thing ultimately, this is the basis of it all. It needs to be helpful. Once you're really clear about what's wrong, you should be there to help somebody fix a problem, fix a situation, fix this circumstance. That's the spirit of helpfulness that is required in really defining true candor.

Speaker 1: 8:22

The next thing is you have to be humble about it. You've got to check your ego at the door. You're not always open to learning. When you think somebody is completely dead wrong, you're not open to it. So you have to be humble about it. You have to go in there with the mind as well. If they're dead wrong and you've got emotions in there, you have to be humble about it. And you also have to look at yourself. You have to care about helping others do their best work of their careers and by giving them the best answer that you can, and you have to do that in a spirit of humbleness.

Speaker 1: 8:56

The other thing that's really important about candor is really about doing it in the right time, making sure that your timing is right. Waiting and letting something bug you and get to you is not always the right time. I do believe there's a little bit of patience in there to find that right time, but the longer you wait, the details get muddy and that individual may not even remember whatever you were talking about in providing that radical candor, because those details start to fade with time. So timing is very, very important. Quicker you do it, the better, and to develop that skill to be able to do that. I tend to overthink a lot of things and by the time I've overthought exactly how I'm gonna say it, then that time has passed and I've missed an opportunity both to build a relationship with somebody and also to help that individual build themselves up as well. So timing can become very important.

Speaker 1: 9:52

Another thing is really to deliver it in person. That's the best way. If you're delivering candor through a text, you just stop right now. Don't do it. Text would be the worst way to do it. The best thing to do is to do it in person. So much of our communication 90% or above is nonverbal and when you're giving this kind of candor, you really have to read the room, read that individual, to know that you are giving them something that is benefiting them. How are they receiving it? And you have to be able to read that. This is a skill and a practice that you have to practice, and if you're being kind and you're being clear, then you can see how this person is reacting to it. You may have to change your approach a little bit and maybe it's not the right time.

Speaker 1: 10:41

Of course, this one seems obvious Give it in private. If you're giving criticism, give it in private. Step out of the way. You don't wanna have a debate in public about something. You wanna step aside and have these conversations with these individuals. It's not about calling somebody out in public. That one seems pretty basic, but do it in private. Don't dress them down in public. It's not about dressing down. It's about helping and supporting, and it won't be received if you're giving it in public like that.

Speaker 1: 11:07

And the last thing is, it's not about personality. So that's about finding out and being clear about your message that you're giving. It's not about you know you're a jerk or you're sloppy or something like that. It's those type of things. It's not about personality. You have to look. It's about process and function and things like that. You're not there to change somebody's personality. You have to put that aside and then that one, I think, goes along with the idea of ego. Those are things that you have to look at in radical candor.

Speaker 1: 11:42

So a quick wrap up when you're talking about kind of seven tips of radical candor. One be crystal clear, make sure it's helpful. The other thing is be humble about it. Put the ego away, put it aside. Do it as quickly as you can. You do it immediately, that's one way, but do it especially at the right time. But the longer you wait, details will start to fade. Do it in person and then do it in private. And then remember this, it's not about personality.

Speaker 1: 12:12

Those are some great tips that you can take in regards to radical candor. Tine it to your raw communication. If you are in the world of raw communication and you're looking to develop yourself out of that, remember this and these are the words from Lance is be yourself, make it you, make it you and change is okay. Change in that process, but make it all about that change. Make it about being true to yourself. So I would take this as this week's UC moment is this Remember that radical candor can bring about effective change in yourself and also effective change in others when presented properly. So I hope you take that with you for this week, and that's all I've got. See you, bye Go.