Unlock the secrets to gracefully declining requests and safeguarding your boundaries with the guidance of Sarah Ginald, our boundary expert. Prepare to navigate the tricky waters of saying "no" without ruffling feathers or compromising relationships. Our latest episode serves as a playbook for those moments when you need to stand your ground, offering nine practical strategies that marry assertiveness with empathy. Whether it's disentangling the refusal from the individual asking or learning the subtle art of a timely "not now," we've got you covered with insights straight from the Harvard Business Review and beyond.
The dance of denial need not be a solo performance. Embrace the nuanced choreography of preserving both your peace and your connections as we dissect each step in the process. Sarah's expertise illuminates the path to a firm yet kind refusal, highlighting the importance of clarity in your "no" and the freedom that comes with the choices you make. By the close of our conversation, you'll walk away not just with the tools to decline with finesse, but also the courage to welcome the growth and opportunities that your well-placed "no's" will bring.
Welcome to the Uncom communicator podcast, where we bring enlightenment to the topic of communication. Are you ready to take ownership of your conversations? Are you looking to possess the skills to navigate and facilitate conversations to a mutual understanding? What are you waiting for? Grab your growth mindset and let's go. Welcome to this week's episode.
Speaker 1:
This week in UC Playbook, we are going to be talking about some best practices, only not from our conversation with Sarah Ginald about the power of know. We had such a fantastic conversation talking about boundaries and some great stories that related to why and how important it is to really know and have a know, to know K&OW to have a know and when to use it and effectively how to use it as well. What I did in bringing this week's playbook is bringing nine practices that I have found that the Harvard Business Review has brought out to help people in being able to practice the ability to say no in every circumstance. So let's talk about those nine practices. The first thing is to know your know. You have to know it. You have to know what you're willing to accept and what you're not going to, and that's a lot of times like if we're not sure and you're constantly say a people, pleaser. You're going to go towards your yes, so what you want to do is know what you're going to say no to and then think about saying yes to the things that you want to, but you have to know that in advance. The next thing is be appreciative. Most of the time when people are asking you for your advice or asking for your help, your support is because they value you, so it's never an insult for them to come and ask you for your help. Now, that's not saying that people aren't going to pile on work on you. That's a different set as well, too, that we're going to talk about. But it's being appreciative like, hey, I think you, I appreciate that you are looking for this, but I just don't have the time for this right now.
Speaker 1:
It's not always a no. It can often be a not now, and that's something that Sarah really brought up. That was a very important practice to really think about. Now, one of the more important things is to not say no to the person. You're not saying no to them, and you need to make that clear, because some people are offended by this. So, taking that in advance, knowing that you're going to say no to their request, and sometimes, depending on who that is, you might want to clarify that. Make sure that they know look, I can't. I'm saying no to this, but not no to you. That's something to separate those and that'll be important in later on maintaining that relationship.
Speaker 1:
The next one I really like is really to explain the why and that's one thing that Sarah brought out and that was part of the UC moment, which is know the why, say the no. So that was our UC moment last week. But, talking about the why, there's particular reasons. It could be timing, it could be a myriad of your own reasons, and it's okay to say the why that's behind it. Be honest with them. It's way better than just saying no.
Speaker 1:
The next thing is be as resolute as they are pushy. You're going to have those. You know it right. We all run into those people that we know are going to push and they're going to push and they're going to push and you don't want to give up and that's their prerogative. You know to come up and do those things, but you have to be resolute in your response to them and what you want to do and you want to do that in a respectful way, and then you can even be a little playful with it, like, look, I know you don't give up easily, but neither do I, and that's okay in setting that standard for no, be as resolute as they are pushy.
Speaker 1:
The next one is practice, and we talk about that a lot on the uncommon communicator practice your nose and and Sarah brought this out as well too a practice that she had with her employees that she knew were kind of pushovers or they were always saying yes, pushovers. She never used that word, I just did. But some people can be pushovers and they need to practice saying no. They don't know who and how to say no, and she even shared a story about how, when you know, she called on a weekend and had something for somebody to do and at the end of it, talked about how, hey, it's okay to say no. And that's where the story came in, where it's okay to say not. Now I'll get to that on the day for you, and that's okay. But to practice, though she had a practice with her employee, you can do the same thing now. Some of the suggestions of Harvard Business Review is this is to practice saying no when a waiter asks you for dessert. That is not uncommon communicator approved? Not one bit. If they offer you dessert, see what they got going first. But there's plenty of other opportunities, small ways of practicing saying that no.
Speaker 1:
The other one is to establish like a preemptive no. We all have certain people in our lives who tend to make Repeated, sometimes even burden, some requests to us. We know they're coming, so you need to be prepared for that no, and sometimes we've ran into those people that we know that they are not ready for they're. They're ready for you. Maybe you're that person but have a preemptive no ready. Then when those requests comes, you you can always refer to like a you know an earlier conversation about having that conversation, about your commitments or whatever your reason for no might be.
Speaker 1:
This is the tough one. Be prepared to miss out. A lot of times when we say yes and I'm not just talking workload, you know, I'm talking about doing things that just so much activities offers that may come to you you might miss out and that's one of the biggest reasons that draws in people to say no is Because they don't want to miss out. They want to be a part of it. You have to prepare yourself for that. Remind yourself that when you're saying no to a quest, you are at the same time saying yes to somebody else and you need to be able to take those Yeses and your nose and bounce them out for your own life.
Speaker 1:
But you might miss out something over here, and that goes back to when we were talking about on the other podcast. How are we going to prioritize? And maybe you need to practice that as well. How do you prioritize what's important to you, what's important to the other person? All of those things factor into how are you Prioritizing? But in that, you know you might miss out on something, but is it for the better good? Is it the better reason? Because I know that at times I've said yes to things and missed out on the things that were probably going to be better or Funner or maybe even had more value. I don't know why. I can't even go back and remember why I said it, but I know after I did it I regretted it because I did not do a good balance of Of or a practice of finding out what was my reason. You know I wasn't prepared to miss out on something and I missed out on something really great. So you have to be prepared for that.
Speaker 1:
The next thing is to really gather your courage. If someone is used to saying yes, it will take courage to say no, especially if that person is asking something for you to give up really easily. So you need to take courage to put up with that and be prepared to say no. So find the courage. That is one thing, and we had a live stream the other day where we talked about vulnerability and in that a lot of times Brene Brown talks about how that's. You know, it takes courage to be vulnerable and in this case it's the same thing. You might have to be vulnerable. You might have to be able to have the courage to say no to that person.
Speaker 1:
Those are some great tips from the Harvard Business Review for helping you today in this playbook, actionable items for you to think about. So, of those nine items, think about one that you can put into practice Even this week, because that's going to challenge you to be better at it if you're not good at it. The other thing is sometimes it's even good to be intuitive or not intuitive. It's going to be thoughtful mindful that's a better word of this practice, and when you're mindful of it, then you're going to hone your skills, even if you think you're already good at it. So let's just do a quick review.
Speaker 1:
Be resolute, be as no, I'm sorry, go back. Know your know Right, you got to know your know, you got to know it. Be appreciative. Stay no to the request, not to that person. Explain why. Get back to the why thing. Be as resolute as they are pushy and practice, practice it. Find times to put this into practice. Establish a preemptive know, especially with people that you know are going to come at you with a barrage of stuff. Be prepared to miss out. And then, the most important thing, at the end, gather the courage from the practice to be able to say no. Hope this helps. I hope this gives you some actionable items, and our UC moment for this episode is the same UC moment that we had in our episode with Sarah, which is this know the why, say the know. That's all I got. See you Bye.