E114A - Throwback with Jesus Hernandez

Have you ever witnessed a transformation that reshaped a life's trajectory? That's precisely what Jesse Hernandez has experienced, evolving from a high-achieving construction maven to a magnanimous contributor through stories and wisdom shared in his compelling book, "Becoming the Promise that you Were Intended to Be." Our conversation peels back the layers of crafting an authentic personal brand, the delicate dance of self-promotion, and the profound shifts that come from pouring into others. Jesse's insights into mentorship and community engagement are a testament to the strength found in collective wisdom.

Baring one's soul isn't for the faint of heart, and this episode doesn't shy away from the raw edges of vulnerability. We navigate the therapeutic landscapes of storytelling, especially in the context of addiction recovery and the search for self-worth. Jesse and I discuss the beauty in embracing our imperfections and the transformative power of seeing ourselves through the compassionate lens of others. It's a deep dive into the resilience that blooms from storytelling, the clarity that whispers in our intuitive moments, and the opportunities disguised in life's adversities.

Closing out this insightful exchange, we celebrate the language of inclusivity and the camaraderie that fuels professional environments. Reflecting on the parallels between the solidarity of 12-step meetings and team dynamics, we examine how embracing our humanity can enhance both personal growth and professional interactions. This heart-to-heart is a masterclass in leveraging personal narratives to inspire and connect, serving as a reminder that our individual journeys have the power to echo in the lives of others, urging them to share their own. Join us for this inspiring session that will leave you contemplating the stories you have to tell and the promise you were meant to be.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to this week's episode another throwback with Jesse Hernandez. In this episode we talked about Jesse's book Becoming the Promise that you Were Intended to Be. It's more than just a conversation around a book and around a great guy social media mogul but also talks about his journey through communication, which, strangely and just perfectly, becomes mastered through the 12-step program where he learns to be vulnerable and learns to really understand what his purpose and what his plan in life is. So listen to him.

Speaker 2: 0:34

You want to talk right? Down to us and elane us, as everybody here can easily understand. Do you understand the world that is coming out of my mouth? Space one again, space one again. I dare you, I double dare you. What we got here is a failure to communicate.

Speaker 1: 0:59

Welcome to the Uncommon Communicator Podcast, where we are here to bring enlightenment to the topic of communication. Help me welcome Jesse Hernandez, my guest today. Jesse is a construction mind shifter. He's building a community of intentional leaders, known as the emotional bungee jumpers. He's a consultant and author podcast host, and I don't agree with this aspiring social media mogul. Jesse is a social media mogul. Jesse, welcome to the program.

Speaker 2: 1:28

What's going on, james, thank you. Thank you, yes, I am working on it. I don't have the numbers that justify my mogul-ness, but in Jesse Land I am a mogul and in the future and the rest of the omniverse I will be that social media mogul.

Speaker 1: 1:47

You are certainly defined as a mogul in my world. If a mogul inspires other people, then you're out there doing that. That's it Well did I leave anything else out. I mean, that's from your LinkedIn, so it's your fault if I left anything out.

Speaker 2: 2:02

Yeah, no, no, I appreciate that. So I don't know about you, James, but like crafting the profile on any of the socials or even a bio for like speaking engagements and stuff, it is really. It's a really uncomfortable thing for me to do because it feels self-serving and braggadocious. Now, I don't mind being the peacock and getting all the attention when we're live, and you got the rooster on your shirt. I don't mind that, but that's different than me writing about the stuff. So, in terms of if anything was left out, no, I think that covers it. There's probably stuff, but I think we're good.

Speaker 1: 2:51

Well, we're going to dive in and we're going to cover some of what you just talked about in one of your chapters, specifically the chapter on I. I believe it is when is I right chapter 11? We're going to dive into that one a little bit because that one sparked something within me. But let's talk about we got you on again second time on the show. Welcome right here. Jesse has written a couple of books and started live streams and all kinds of things since the last time we met. Hey, it's your baby, you don't tabulate your own deal, but I kind of definitely dove into the book and I've got to say this first, a shout out to you directly you are responsible for, I believe, any success that the I should be giving you royalties on the uncommon communicator podcast.

Speaker 1: 3:42

We met early, early on, and you inspired me to podcast. You know we were at this lean event which was five bucks or something to go to a Gemba lock and you were just even a portion of. You weren't even leading it and you mentioned podcasts and I'm like, hey, what's this about? I don't think I had listened to a podcast before. Then. I thought, man, if Jesse can do this, I want to do this and I did so. You, you inspired me to start my own podcast and I appreciate that and really, oh, a lot of its growth to following the social media logo that you are. But you wrote a book right here. It's the promise and it is your second first book. I want to explain that before we move on to this one. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 4:23

So the second, first book. So I had begun writing this book, which is becoming the promise you're intended to be. I don't know, maybe two years ago. I was inspired by my friend, lee Crump, who wrote the forward in the book, and as I was, so when I started writing it, I was, I was in my head. I was like, okay, I want this to be like essentialism. Like you've read the book, essentialism I don't think so. Amazing book, great ideas in there and the five dysfunctions right, lindsay O'Neill and kind of the way they write their books is a story and there's takeaways. And so I started writing it and the idea was I became aware that two things I became aware of. One was I became aware of when I transitioned from achieving to contribution, my life got better. The other thing was when this was least bought, he made me aware that my story could inspire other people to forgive themselves or to forgive family members, etc. And give them hope. So, anyways, I was writing the book. That's right.

Speaker 2: 5:36

About that time, jennifer Lacey and I started having the, the live streams about five S in relationships, and so after those live streams and you were a part of those, a lot of people were part of them, kirby, kirby coats had asked like hey, Jess, like I wish there was a place that I could just have like all the nuggets, all the great practices that people shared in the chat, and I said, Okay, well, I got all the transcripts, the transcriptions. I'll go read them and find them. I spent about 10 minutes reading and I said hell with this, I ain't going to read all of this. It was like eight and a half hours of content and then I said, wait a minute, I've got all this transcribed. Kim White Princess Kim was she was my coach in publishing the first book. I sent her an email and said, hey, I got an idea. This was like December two years ago and she said, yeah, let's do it. So we did, and so I had to pause on this book because that was the first book worked through producing Lean and Love, and then, once that got out, I picked up this book again.

Speaker 2: 6:41

It was interesting because when I read my original transcript, I was like this is garbage. This is like weak sauce. Kindergarten tough guy, stuff right. And when I mean by kindergarten tough guy, I mean like not. So this is just superficial top water skiing crap. And that's because, through the live streams. I discovered that this vulnerability thing was a thing and I didn't understand it at first, but people were like Jesse, it's because you share your mistakes and you just talk about anything, any mistake that you made, whatever I learned. I was like, oh, and that was valuable for people. No-transcript, like my mindset had shifted such that it was like that first draft was like there was no vulnerability, it was very cerebral, super intellectualized, and so I said hell with that, I'm going to go deep. And then that's what happened. So that's why it is my second, first book.

Speaker 1: 7:47

So the first book, then in that pause, really helped you bring a better product in this book with a different set of eyes. Isn't that great? And how? And I'm a big believer in how things happen for a reason and you look at that, and always to the better if you're looking to find the better out of it, because it's always hidden in there somewhere. So let's talk about the book first, that structure.

Speaker 1: 8:10

I like talking about the structure of your book. It is a bunch of stories which are fantastic, right, and they're doing, they're serving the purpose which you want is these stories help impact and lead to the message. But there's a couple of things that I noted in here is every one of your titles are questions, almost every single one of them, and I thought that is Jesse and in it which made the investigator and me say where is the question in it. Because what I really enjoyed about the book and it's almost like a mystery novel is you know if say here's a, you know here's a chapter, start right here that says you know, is there a prize in the darkness? You don't start the each chapter with is there a prize in the darkness and then answer it. It's in there somewhere which is really kind of new.

Speaker 1: 8:56

I don't know if you did that purposely, but the question is hidden in there. So I love that because and as you, you know, you have master questionator as your title and that's something that you know, a moniker that you have given yourself, not me, we've all given. I've given that to you as well, but it's all the chapters or questions which is really makes you dive into. Does that question fit me? So I love the idea of it and I did something I don't normally do, which is I read the first chapter and the last chapter because I wanted to see how you circled this around, and so this is an interesting. So at the end of your very first chapter, you said this we just can't keep living life the way we've been living it. We have to let people in. There are too many of us for you and me to continue walking alone. Now that obviously you put that for a reason, tell me a little bit more about that, that purpose statement that you put in there, man, thank you.

Speaker 2: 9:51

Thank you. So you know the the. The gist of that statement is and it's something that I discovered right, and you can hear all the details throughout the book but the gist of the statement is for a very long period of time, I believed I was the only one experiencing the pains that I was experiencing and I thought, like I thought it was unique to me because of my deficiencies, because of my defects. And what I've learned over the years is that it's absolutely not unique to me and it's not because I'm my character defects, it's because I'm human and we're all human, right.

Speaker 2: 10:37

So, going back to the vulnerability thing, when I share the stuff, the dumb stuff, the short-sighted, selfish, embarrassing, shameful things that I've done and what I've learned from them, that helps others know that they are not alone and we're none of us are alone, but we're all walking I shouldn't say, oh, many of us are walking as if we are, and so it's, it's a call out to say, hey, I got you Right. We're people, we make mistakes and we can learn from them. And, and you know, walking the path in community is far more fulfilling than it is to be walking it independently, which ties to like the original idea of achievement and winning, Because when I win, everybody else has to lose, and when I achieve I have to do better, score higher than everybody else around me. So that's the isolating experience, whereas contributing, sharing my gifts and talents, that is a communal experience.

Speaker 1: 11:45

Yeah, and that's okay. So now I'm going to jump into the last chapter because I don't, I don't know. I do know you tied this all together and you can. So your very last statement in the book, because you know that I think about. In any message that we give, the most important thing is how we started and the and the second most is how we end it, and sometimes that's the most important because that's what people remember. But this is what you said today. I surround myself with people who appreciate the goodness. You likely have X-ray vision to. You can see the enormous, gigantic human being that is in front of you, hiding behind fear, hiding behind perfection and avoiding rejection. Because you can see this, it is your responsibility to let them know what you see, pointed out, show them, help them understand. You see them because we all need to be seen.

Speaker 2: 12:40

Did I write that Damn? That sounds good.

Speaker 1: 12:43

And that's how you ended it. You tied in that very first statement to the end, with some fantastic stories in the middle. But tell me about that statement, because that one really it's a challenge, but it's coming straight from your heart.

Speaker 2: 12:58

Yeah, man, yeah, first I got to get a. Confess I did not do that tie on purpose. I absolute like for real, for real. When I put the, put the stories out, I just I did speech to text and I just had a list of stories and I shared all the set, all the stories, blah, blah, blah. Kim Princess Kim is the one who arranged the sequence of the stories. The only one thing I wanted was story number one had to be number one because people needed to understand the title. The rest of it was up to her. I just left it up to her and so I got a credit her for that.

Speaker 2: 13:38

Now, but the fact that you put it together like that's pretty awesome, man. So that last statement in the end comes from and I think a lot of I'm not alone in. Rather, I know I'm not alone in this. You know, when I think of me and kind of ties back to the bio thing, I see all of my mistakes, all of the nefarious things that I've done, selfish things that I've done, all the, all the goals that I missed, all the people that I let down, all the disappointment that that I contributed to people's lives, and I see it like like a hull of mirrors right with jeans. They're magnified and amplified and contorted and really way bigger than what they actually are, and that's all that I see. And so that keeps me in this state of feeling less than. But when I interact with another human being, I'm just like you, saying that I've contributed to your path as a social media mogul. I don't see that. The only time I see it, and the only time I can believe it, is when I'm seeing myself through your eyes, right, and so when people talk to me and share with me of how I've impacted their life, I've given them courage, how I've given them hope, how I pissed them off, like it doesn't matter when people are telling me what they see, I fall in love with that version of me because it is true, but it is foreign to me, because it's not the version that I see all the time.

Speaker 2: 15:19

And and so, like I know how I feel when I'm around people that reflect back to me the greater things that I ignore, and so that's the idea, right, surround myself, if I surround myself with people, because for a long time I doubted it, I discounted like, no, no, you don't, you just don't know all my garbage, right, the only reason you're saying is because you don't know, I finally got to a point where, it's, like you know, I'm very selective about who I surround myself with, and those people are like ballers, right, like they contribute to the community. They're not just about themselves. They have accomplished great, they're very accomplished in their careers. They're honest, they're, they're good people, and because they are, I need to believe what they're telling me, and so it's that kind of it's a little weird thing, but it's what helps me get away from operating in a sense of deficit, right, meaning like I'm trying to make up for something and keeps me in a place of contribution.

Speaker 2: 16:24

How do I continue to share my gifts and talents? I'm not always aware of the gifts and talents, I'm not always aware of how I impact and touch people's lives, until somebody tells me and they show me through their eyes of what they see. And so that's the point. Right Is find people around you that that they tell you things that you don't want to believe because they're not lying, and that gives us freedom, right. That gives us permission to continue being super awesome.

Speaker 1: 16:58

Yeah, absolutely. Now the book, I mean you dig really deep into some personal stuff and what was, you know, interesting? And we've known each other for a year and a half, a couple years now but to really understand the back story, a little bit of what brought you through to your sobriety, I mean in. You know, in a lot of sense this is a book to help anybody out of who's into addictions, and you're specifically talking about substance and alcohol. But those type of abuses fit any type of addiction and a lot of construction folks have them.

Speaker 1: 17:32

You know there's a lot of alcoholism, a lot of drugs and stuff involved in any business that you're at, but specifically in our trade as well, in construction, is workaholism. I mean, there's things that we become addictive to. You know, I'd come from an alcoholic family myself and I never, you know, built into alcoholism. But do I have addictive tendencies? Yeah, did I have over 40 bonsai trees at one point because 39 wasn't enough right. And then, for the most part, though, my addictions have been towards, you know, work, like last night. I worked till 7 o'clock at night because I wanted to get that floor done. You know, there's things that become important to us in our work, which is just as much of an addiction. So these things fit.

Speaker 1: 18:18

But in diving into your stories there's the reps you talk about. Right, and I hadn't thought about AA in that whole process. Being getting talking about these things more is something that you're doing with people now, especially through the live streams. You know there's, there are things that I'm realizing like why, why? Who am I who have not been emotional for most of my life, purposely, you know, struggling with some things? It's because I've never talked about these and you're drawing these out in people now as well. But I see that you've put the reps in because, like I can't get through it. You know I can't barely talk through it, but how therapeutic was it to also put all of that stuff out there for everybody in?

Speaker 2: 19:03

the book man. So first I want to say this in terms of addiction, people have asked me, especially when I was in rehab and recovered. Like in those circles, the common question is like what's your drug of choice? Right, because everybody wants to know. Huh, and mine is more. I'm addicted to more of whatever. Most of the stories in here are tied to my addiction with alcohol, because that's what I got arrested for and I'm grateful that I didn't get arrested for some of the other things. But I'll tell you like I'll hit on this and so hope maybe people can can do some self-reflection.

Speaker 2: 19:44

Some of the symptoms of me being going down the path of addiction to whatever it is like you said work, marathon, run-in, womanizing, like all of the things is all. The rest of my life is in disarray. My weeds are three foot. The weeds in the yard are three foot higher than they ever been. None of the dishes are washed, none of the clothes are washed. Everything's a mess. The trucks are freaking mess, like the chaos in my life. It looks the same regardless of what I am being consumed by. So it is absolutely. Alcoholism is a thing, right, and there's some other stuff that comes with alcoholism, but having an addictive nature and over rather neglecting the other important things. For one thing is also a symptom of addiction and requires attention. So now, but back to the reps. That was the question. Right Is the therapeutic nature of getting this book out.

Speaker 2: 20:47

So when I was in South Carolina, when I started doing the speech to text, it had a lot of road time, windshield time. I was driving back and forth, I was going to Clemson with Adam to do a thing and anyways, I was surprised at some of the stories. I think the last four stories are the ones that moved me the most. It drew out the most emotion. I didn't expect it to happen and as I was like speaking the stories, some of it like I cried on most of them, and when I say cry I mean like teary-eyed, you know, choked up a little bit. But those four stories, at the end, even when I recorded the audio book, you can hear my voice cracking and me trying to maintain composure. I ugly cried when I recorded them right, and it was hard because I had to go back and like figure out what the hell I was saying, because the voice didn't pick it up right.

Speaker 2: 21:49

And the interesting thing. So after I did it. I'm like, okay, why is that? Why am I like what is going on? Because some of that stuff happened back when I was a kid, yeah, and the difference was I used to cry tears of anger, I used to cry tears of pain and regret.

Speaker 2: 22:12

This time those tears were maybe tears of empathy, like, because I know what I felt back then and that kind of feeling came up and I also know that I have come a long, long way from that and I also know the impact that I've been able to have in other people's lives because of that experience. And I was also excited about oh my god, I'm putting this thing out there into the world. Imagine the impact it can have going forward. And so the tears this time were like, filled with all of that right, they're tears of hope, they're tears of healing, tears of understanding, and so, in terms of therapy, it helped me really, because I don't think before then that I wasn't aware of the progress that I have made around those issues. And so what it helped me understand was like or maybe it helped me turn really negative, dark times into meaningful things that could help other people. And so if I had, I experienced a mind shift of my own in the process.

Speaker 1: 23:34

In the process and that's the whole key right. It's not just you get the magic pill and you don't get some way to get out of it. It's that process that I'm discovering myself very slowly in understanding that vulnerability part and a lot of that. And we're gonna dive into a little bit of that. Let's jump into it. There's a chapter. First I wanted to talk about the whispers.

Speaker 2: 23:56

Oh, yeah, and.

Speaker 1: 23:58

I've heard you mention that term before and I didn't know the really the depth of the idea of the whispers, but this says here's another quote from your book I was first introduced to the whispers by Oprah Jesse. Yes, anyways, the easiest way to describe the whispers is intuition. The whispers pop up randomly, sometimes when I'm running, sometimes when I'm in the middle of a presentation. They are like little data points. They look like a comment or a question by someone else. When I'm listening to a book, something in the content I'm consuming may connect with an idea or a question I've been chewing on and make the next rightest step a little clearer. The feeling in my gut says yes, that's the way, that's the thing I need to get unstuck. I call them the whispers because I really can't take full credit for the clarity of the direction. It feels more like I'm being guided into discovery.

Speaker 1: 24:52

That statement, that idea really connected with me because and I've heard you mention that before this podcast is a result of a whisper. You hear something, you get an idea and somebody says what about that? That whole idea? I'm not sure about the Oprah part, but tell me more. This seems like the whispers have been a big part of your life? Have they always been there, or has this been something that you decided to start listening to?

Speaker 2: 25:18

Oh man, first Oprah raised by a single mom. When I was a kid I didn't have control over the TV. She mentioned it. I was like, oh yeah, that's the thing I'll say.

Speaker 2: 25:36

The whispers have always been there. I have not always paid attention to them. I know this because even early on, as a foreman or when I was transitioning from installer to foreman and all of a sudden there were deeper, greater asks of me in terms of taking responsibility and leadership, I fought against it. The whispers were telling me do this, this is your gift, go do something with it. I ignored it and continued to say no, no, no, I'm not going to be one of those suck asses, I'm an installer. Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2: 26:17

The friction that I experienced in my life by ignoring the whispers is one of the contributors to my substance abuse and to the things I did to escape from my life, which most of that was self-imposed friction. They've always been there. When I started deciding to listen to the whispers, things have become so much easier and way, way, way more fulfilling, the reason I have to credit the whispers. Like, even when I have my 60 minutes of thinking time every day and I'm journaling, sometimes there's something that comes out like whoa, I got to write that down, or I was jogging. Just like you said, I write it down and I can't take credit for it. I think that's an important thing, because I don't know if you know, but I have a pretty healthy ego. If I credit myself for being a genius and discovering all these things and creating all these things all on my own, I know where that road takes me. These things, these ideas, these bits of clarity that pop up, help me understand or show me like oh yes, that's connected. That's something I've been thinking about. Now I'm going to take the next rightest step, what I mean by that.

Speaker 2: 27:50

So example I was talking, I got interviewed. I was interviewed on a podcast super awesome interview. The line of questioning was around how do leaders connect with people in the field? I just kept answering the questions. It was good conversation. Then, after that, I started thinking well, that's interesting, because when I was doing the in-person training, part of that was to go out and meet people in the field. A lot of the folks that were going through the training struggled with well, what am I supposed to say? What do you?

Speaker 1: 28:25

mean.

Speaker 2: 28:26

You're superintendent. What do you mean? What are you supposed to say? Then I was talking to Sean and Sean Moran. We were on a call and he's familiar with the training, the sweat equity improvement that I transitioned into a virtual experience. He's like all right, jess, how are you doing the visible leadership piece, which is where you go talk to people? I said, well, I don't think that's not part of the curriculum, because it's virtual, it doesn't fit. Of course. He gave me he's like come on, jess, you're weak. After I got off the call with him and, mind you, these are things that have happened, let's say, a 24 month timeline of all of this he hits me with that and I'm like oh, okay, I need to do something.

Speaker 2: 29:17

On the podcast the other day they asked me a bunch of questions around this. This happened way back then. There's something there. I was listening to another podcast and they were talking about email courses and then, boom, it all came together. Now I wasn't actively trying to figure out what email course to produce. The whispers showed me what the next rightist step was, and so it's just that right, and it also frees me up because I'm obsessive. It frees me up when I'm stuck on something of like okay, I'm at a point and I know I need to get the next thing, but I can't Now I just leave. I'm just going to leave it, put it on the shelf for a little bit, because I know the whispers will show me what to do with that idea, and it may not. It may be next week, it may be next year. I just need to leave it there. That's the whispers.

Speaker 1: 30:17

Well, and the key is to respond to them right. And you mentioned about ignoring them in the past and I think that's the whole key is knowing when to let it lay and when you need to respond to it, because I would say I would, on the most part, am guilty of passing over and or ignoring. And then there's times where they're so loud that you have to listen and there's enough connection right, and so you have to find the right time, the right place. But I just thought that was that really stuck out for me in that section of the book, because that really connected and then it's going to connect with a lot of people because they're going to go. Oh, that's why that's why I do that. So I appreciate you bringing in the whispers and kind of sharing a little deeper talk into that. I do want to talk briefly about chapter five, I believe.

Speaker 1: 31:05

Now, chapter five is what are you waiting for? Another question, but the thing that stuck out for me. There's a couple of things in here. One is so you're preparing for potentially being incarcerated. So what does Jesse do? Jesse's like I'm going to make the best time of this. What am I going to learn and get out of this I'm going to have all this time I'm going to. You know, you're like the Shawshank Redemption. You're going to become a lawyer or something. Right, you got it all and you wrote this what could I learn if I had no distractions? So you start creating a list of this potential time which, for you to sit, I got to imagine is was, in your mind, going to be probably a prison in itself. Well, you're like, how am I going to make the most out of this? But this is the thing that stuck out in that chapter my own thinking can be a prism and I don't have to wait for incarceration to take action.

Speaker 1: 31:57

Bingo, there's so many times that we wait for that moment, and this ties into your whisper comment as well, too. You don't have to wait, like most people solve problems when the problem arises. Yes, that's where, when I have time, especially on my job, you know I get some free, free brain load. In fact, there's one particular job we were on. We had just I had taken over and we had a ton of problems that got to the point where I then we had a really young group of field engineers and other assistant soups. I'm like what are we going to solve today Like we had no problems, like what are we going to solve today and that's what I got from that is, instead of waiting for that potential incarceration? You know, you're saying I can do things right now.

Speaker 2: 32:40

Yes, yeah, so you know that practice of seeing, like changing my perspective of a really bad situation. I learned that from one of my sponsors in AA and he would, because you know when, when, when I'm, when I'm in my addiction and doing all the stuff, everything seems to be falling apart. The world's against me, like it's just like you can't win, no matter what. Most of it is because of my own decisions and my own actions, right, and he would always tell me. He would say what can you learn from this? Right, like, I know I'm like and I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, I know it sucks, but what are you learning about it? What can you learn from this? So it was always that. What can you learn from this? So, anyways, this last time I was like really, really looking at 10 to 15 years in prison, it was a, it was a reality that that could happen, and I know that if I get stuck in my head around how horrible it's going to be, I'm going to lose my career, I'm going to lose my licenses, I'm going to lose family money, property, like if I get. Those are all true, but what is also true, or what could also be true? I could also learn a lot. And then I said, okay, what is that condition that I'm going to be in if, if I go to prison, like, well, I'm not going to be distracted, right, like I'm not, I'm not going to have my damn phone bugging the hell out of me. Okay, so focus, if I have focus time and I have this just enormous amount of time to do whatever I want with what could I do? What I've always wanted to learn, and I start. I wrote down a list of a whole like learn the right, left handed. I wouldn't do that now because I got a lot of things going on, but I've always wanted to be ambidextrous, right, and so what that helped me do working on that list because I didn't just do it in one sitting it helped me change my focus. So every time, the like, the scary, negative idea crept in, it's like, yeah, yeah, that's true. And but what could I learn if I'm while I'm there and writing down that list? And this didn't happen immediately.

Speaker 2: 34:57

So I wrote the list down, you know, went through the whole thing, went to got my attorney they don't give me prison time and I think that's actually when it came together, when they gave me my sentence, which was, you know, relatively like considering what I did, I said you know what I don't need to like? I have this list and I think I mentioned in the book one of those was reading Moby Dick. I don't have to wait to be in prison to do that. So I got Moby Dick on Audible and I listed. It was awesome. I was like, wow, now I understand why people make such a big deal about the book itself. And then it was like, well, what else on this damn list can I do? Why am I waiting? Like I don't have to wait. And then the realization was we all kind of create our own prison, like the prison is in our head. The circumstances or our physical environment is a whole separate thing. It's not as big or condemning as our own mind is, and so that's the gist of that idea.

Speaker 1: 36:02

Yeah, and that's absolutely huge. To capture that instead of saying, all right, I spent 10 years in prison and now I'm, you know, a doctor. I'm Dr Hernandez. You know, you didn't have to wait to do that, and I think that that connects with a lot of people, because we wait for those waypoints, right, and sometimes, when that change is going to come, when we're sitting here, we are sitting here scrolling through TikTok and looking at videos, thinking, you know, what could I be doing to better my life? Well, I'll do that tomorrow. But when you're in prison, you know every day is tomorrow. I guess, I don't know, I've become a little better saying than that, but that's, I think, a key point in anybody's successful journey in life, which you're helping them to understand. And also, you know there's so many threads in there that tie to your project as well too. You know, as a lean, you know so many times I am the victim of tomorrow. You know I will do that tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow. You know, last night they were working until you know, at 3.30, I was told we had three to four more hours left and it's like, how about tomorrow? I'm like, no, we're going to get it done today. I want my tomorrow. Yes, so there's just things that you become a victim of tomorrow. And it stops that. It says what am I doing now to bring purpose? So, man, I appreciate that chapter. I do want. There's one more chapter. I want to dive into this one here.

Speaker 1: 37:27

Chapter 11, when is I right? This one I have struggled with for most of a lot of my career and especially when I got into general construction. A lot of people don't know that. You know I was in industrial construction mill right by trade. So I've worked through the trades and you know now I'm the evil general contractor. You know, and people don't know that there's a history behind. Everybody right that this has not been. It's like oh, you're the contract. In fact, felipe said that he says you don't post anything about your life. You know when you were in the trades. I'm like I need to change that. But with that you come into general contracting and a lot of superintendents are I, I, I, I right, I did this, I was. I've worked with a superintendent who built the Ikea in town all by himself. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1: 38:17

Bigel, ikea, and then he also built this gigantic hotel at the Denver International Airport and so everything that he has done he built right. Those are his stories. But we go and we hear that and and you really touch on it pretty deeply within when this here, when is I right? I do want to talk about this, so this is just a quote. I want to first, you have to know that these are emotionally charged conversations. I credit this to the repetitions, repetitions or reps we get.

Speaker 1: 38:46

Sharing our issues openly with strangers. This builds a high threshold of vulnerable, vulnerability and real human stuff. So, first, you know you, you're setting up this I thing because the other part is that you know I'm I'm worried that it's going to be self centered, you know, and how I use the word I, I don't right, I've used we a lot when it is me, I've used so because I want to avoid that. But I think you opened up. There's a little bit of a key in here that you really get in in talking about the delivery of that. So this chapter, I think here here's a quote from you. He was extremely vulnerable because the whole thing about this I thing talks about somebody who changed your perspective on stuff. And in addition was this, and this was somebody who was presenting at an AA meeting. He was extremely vulnerable. He shared details that most of us spend our whole life hiding.

Speaker 2: 39:44

Yes, yes, oh, man. So you know one thing I got to say I did not intend to write a book about my recovery and my experience in, in, in addiction and AA, 12 step programs, et cetera. That's just the way it came out. So just a side note. So I'll talk about, like, the reps and how that connected to this.

Speaker 2: 40:12

This speaker, you know somebody had asked me, or a lot of people would ask me back when we were doing the five S and relationships thing is like, how are you so vulnerable? It's amazing how vulnerable you are, your vulnerabilities and so on. Like, what in the world are you all talking about? Then I got clear like, oh, you share your, like the dumb things you've done. Like, oh, okay, that's vulnerable. Then, yes, I do that. And then I started asking myself there's so many people asking me about this. And, yes, and, and I don't know how I built that Like, how did I develop that strength to be vulnerable and share whatever? And so I was thinking and I'm like, oh, you know what it was.

Speaker 2: 40:49

It was from the years and years and years that I spent in 12 step meetings, because in those meetings you are invited to say hi, my name's Jesse and I'm an addict or I'm an alcoholic or whatever, and talk about your issue. Whether it's good or bad doesn't matter. For the first two years, I would not. There was no damn way I was gonna raise my hand. But I saw people demonstrating the behavior, right, like they were doing it. They were saying hi, my name's, whatever. This is what I experienced, you know, my wife, my girlfriend, whatever, the judge, whatever, like all the stuff, and even celebrating good things. Until I finally did it myself and because I was, you know, I had the privilege of going to these meetings for so many years I got very practiced at saying hi, my name's Jesse, I'm an alcoholic, and this is what I did. Today, this is a dumb thing that I did. Or blah, blah, blah. And I think it was.

Speaker 2: 41:52

I don't think I know those reps of saying hi, I'm a human being and I have problems. Or hi, I'm a human being and I have something to celebrate. Build the strength for me to be super, super vulnerable. You know, relatively speaking, and we don't practice that, we don't. There's really there's very few venues where we can just say it out loud to discover that the sky's not gonna fall down right Like me sharing my garbage. Oh, at first, for two years I wouldn't, because I didn't want to be judged. I didn't you know, blah, blah, blah. And then, when the first time I did it, guess what happened? Nothing. I felt better. And then I did it again and guess what happened? I felt better, like, oh, it's not that bad Now. So there's that one thing, because I am talking about what I personally experienced and very few people will challenge that or judge that, because it's my own personal experience. Now it drives me nuts when people say I built that, I'd be like you know damn way you built that. And I'm sure that's not what they mean, but I know what I feel when I hear them say that right. So I was always kind of similar to what you stated. I'm very like I pay close attention to me not saying I when it was a we thing, but then I went all the way over to one side of the pendulum when it's always we and never me.

Speaker 2: 43:34

When I heard this gentleman speak, it was powerful, right. Like you know, he shared his experience, but he spoke from I. He didn't say you know, when you're in addiction, da, da, da, da, da da, or when you do like he didn't say that he said I, my addiction, my experience, my errors, my shortcomings, my wins, like it was all from an eye perspective. And I remember thinking like, wow, he talked about himself in terms of I, but I wasn't disgusted by him, right, it didn't give me license, like I didn't disengage like I normally do. I was like, oh, wow, what was that? And it was because of the way he delivered the message. He was, it was from a perspective of ownership. He was owning his experiences, he was owning his mistakes and that was the difference. And so it was really important because it transformed the way.

Speaker 2: 44:37

Like from that point, I decided, okay, from now on, this is how I'm going to present and I mentioned it in that story you know, I used to follow the practices that they right. Whatever public speaking, like all those classes, you know, make sure you let them know, give them your credibility. You want to give them your credentials before you start speaking, because people want to know why they should listen to you. I stopped that crap, those two slides with, you know, my credentials got deleted immediately and I just jump into it and start sharing my experience around the thing, whatever it is I'm talking about. It also helped me stop like from that point forward, I have not done a presentation on anything that I don't have real, real experience doing, and what I mean by that is like if I'm going to be like teaching or facilitating some learning and I can't apply the concept or the practice in my personal day to day, I'm not going to try to teach about it because I can't speak from my own experience.

Speaker 2: 45:44

I have to attach it to somebody else's article or white paper or whatever, and if that's the case, I have no business doing it. And so that's gotten me very, very comfortable with I and, more importantly, it becomes easy to say I in a non-self-serving manner when I only speak about things that I've lived and experienced directly.

Speaker 1: 46:11

And nobody can take that from you right? Nobody works sharing that specifically from your heart, and that's something that I think really stuck out for me, and this is important for anybody diving into public speaking as well, too. So this is definitely our communication moment to talk about, right, because you are, you're out there, you're a public speaker, you've experienced something that through Toastmasters, they call it the icebreaker. It's the very first speech that you give and whenever I'm coaching somebody, I'm like this is going to be the easiest, hardest speech that you ever give. It's the easiest because all you have to do is talk about yourself, like we can do that. It's hard because it's your first one, but that whole principle kind of gets lost through the course of these pathways that we have, because then we're teaching on things that we don't.

Speaker 1: 46:56

And that's now has been my coaching thing is like what talk about? The things that you know? Because then you can talk endlessly about it and people know that if you're talking about something that you don't know, then people know that. They know right away and you know it right. And it's hard and it's difficult to get through and it's not fun. You probably have had the luxury of giving the same message more than once. Every time that you do that you build those reps and in my mind it's getting better and I'm sure for you the message is getting better. But if anything it's getting easier because you're having the ability to meet the audience's needs, because you're familiar with the topic. That becomes kind of the whole key to public speaking is be familiar with the topic and then you can go up there and have fun. So I think that just it's so neat to see that weaved into your book. This whole public speaking you know huge like tip on how to be successful is wrapped up in just one little note on the I portion of chapter 11.

Speaker 2: 47:57

But I did see that. I'll add James on. That is if maybe for aspiring publics, people are just kind of getting into it. I can remember clearly when I was doing presentations on stuff that I hadn't experienced. If somebody asked me a question, the answer I gave him was hard, like it was weak sauce and and and I knew it. And they knew it right, like oh, he's a fraud, he just read some article and now he's talking about it. Yeah, but now, whatever I'm talking about, when somebody asked me a question I got some deep real life experience. Like I have swam Through the experience. I know what it smells like, I know what it feels like, I know what it tastes like and the answers that I can provide to the questions I get are Much more actionable, whereas before it stayed in the conceptual perspective and and so maybe to the to the uncommon Communicator community, if you can't answer a question deeply on the presentation you've presented, that's an indicator that you've got to live and experience the topic that you're discussing just a little bit more.

Speaker 1: 49:13

Yeah, that's exactly it, and that's that is really the key to being comfortable, being successful, being a good speaker, and that really goes to a lot of even just general conversation. Right, you've all been there with the guy where, you know, you just know that he's just babbling on and you know, I do want to touch on one thing that you talked about as well too, which is really when you know the topic and you're sharing that topic there's there's something that is being open about it like one thing that you do, and one thing I struggle with is I sanitize my Conversations, you know, and that's something that I just still in work. I mean it's difficult for me because all of my stories in the past were this guy, this person, this individual, this company, and I've sanitized those and looking at it through this perspective is Am I just making stories up, you know, to fit my need? And I mean these are, these are real stories. But I don't have and I haven't stored those facts in my mind that you know, on January 7th we did this with Bill, you know, out on the Malt House deck. You know those are true things that happen and I think that's an important part of how you tell stories is you use real names, real people, real color, you really paint that picture and it's okay and you share this with me and not on this podcast yet.

Speaker 1: 50:33

But you talked about how you kind of evolved through that as well, too, where you thought I didn't want to mention the company or get them in trouble Well there. And then you did it and did you. Of course, you know you always pushing, pushing a little bit, aren't you? But did you, did you get in trouble? No, right, and those things bring true value and I think that's the other component. I know I'm working on. That's something that I'm processing through. But what I've decided those because I've stuffed a lot of emotions and feelings and everything away for years that that's gonna have to happen on my new stories, because I don't.

Speaker 1: 51:05

I don't think I can dig the facts out of some of these older stories, otherwise I'm just making them up and then I truly am just making this story timeframe. But, jesse, I've really enjoyed this time meeting and connecting with you again, your way of telling stories and especially that you put them into a book. Really we use, you know who you are and I think there's a lot of value. I'm gonna encourage everybody will have a link in the show notes on how to buy the book. Look into it. There's an audio version of it as well. Well, links to your website. But how else can tell us how? How else can people get a hold of you, man? So?

Speaker 2: 51:43

obviously the website. The other way, I am am hyperactive on LinkedIn and, and so, in terms of like daily habits, I spend a good amount of time on LinkedIn every day, and so if people want to connect, make a comment, what like, let's connect there and and get a feel for what you're really dealing with, because if you want to work with me, this is what you're gonna get Right, and and so maybe I'd rather I recommend that you get a feel for the flavor that I bring, and you can do that best through interacting on LinkedIn. Obviously, on my website there's links to my email address and all the other socials, all the other good stuff. But, james, you and I were talking about this before we started. Let me know you're there, because the one thing that drives me nuts is not like good feedback, I love it. Critical feedback, I love it. No feedback, I hate it. It drives me nuts. And so, if you're there, let me know you're there, because it really does mean a lot to me.

Speaker 1: 52:50

Well, we'll definitely provide some Information on how to contact you in the show notes. Maybe together we can tie our social media moguling together for this episode, for people can learn a little more about Jesse. But I'm gonna ask you this and I'm asking all my guests this now is what do you think is the UC moment? The uncommon communicator moment is, says this is you know, we've been talking for an hour. What sums up? What do people leave with that they could use from this conversation today?

Speaker 2: 53:17

Oh, man, that's a good one, I'm gonna say. The one thing that people should take away from this conversation is the value in sharing your story From your perspective, with all the dirty details. The value is it's liberating and healing for you as an individual. It gives people hope and Gives them permission to do more of the same. I mean, james, you've said it several times there's a lot of things that you haven't shared For multiple, for many reasons, and you're not the only one and so, in sharing our story as courageously as as you can right now right, you'll get more courageous or as you get the reps in but share, share, share your perspective with all the dirty details, and it will help you build deeper commune connections with the person that's directly in front of you.

Speaker 1: 54:15

I love that. That's a great UC moment. Share your story with all the dirty details. What more do we need than that? We're gonna end with that and that's all we got. See you back, peace.