The Uncommon Communicator
The Uncommon communicator is the individual that has the enlightenment, to recognize in any situation, whether or not communication has occurred. This uncommon communicator takes ownership of the conversation and possess the skills to navigate and facilitate the conversation to mutual understanding. Taking on the experts as well as the Sophist of old to help bring clarity to the lost art of true communications.
The Uncommon Communicator
E93 - Mastering the Art of Networking and Communication with Keith Bailey
Guess who's played a pivotal role in transforming the art of networking and communication? It's none other than Keith Bailey, co-founder of Articulated Intelligence. Brace yourself, because we've got him right here in our podcast, and he's ready to share his wealth of knowledge on the power of conversation and the subtleties of networking.
Keith takes us down memory lane, sharing a personal story about a cold call that didn't go as planned, but in turn, became a game-changer in his approach to networking. He emphasizes the importance of understanding the identity, culture, and mindset of the person on the other side of the conversation. Keith's wisdom doesn't stop there. He unravels the trifecta of networking success with his PEN (Prepare, Engage, Notice) acronym.
Here's a promise—you're about to discover the secrets of effective networking and communication. Keith shares his unique strategies including showing up early at networking events and re-establishing connections with people within your existing network. He also emphasizes the power of setting an intention before entering a conversation and taking the time to understand the person before their profession. So, buckle up friends, this is not just another podcast episode, it's your gateway to becoming a networking maestro. With Keith's expert guidance, you're about to redefine your approach to communication and networking.
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You want to talk? Right down to us and a language that everybody here can easily understand. Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? What Space one again, space one again. I dare you, I double dare you. What we got here is a failure to communicate.
James Gable :Welcome to the Uncommon communicator podcast, where we are here to bring enlightenment to the topic of communication. Today, I am pleased to have Keith Bailey as a guest Now. Keith has a passion for public speaking since experiencing a seminal moment while delivering a book report in the fourth grade. From hospitality industry to global corporate sales, he has learned the power of storytelling for profit, influence and fun. During his 16 years as a coach, eight plus years as a toastmaster, an ongoing involvement in the National Speakers Association, he has learned good speakers are created and not born To give everyone the opportunity to live life well spoken. He co-founded Articulated Intelligence, a communication up-leveling firm where they developed, with one word, a gamified storytelling technique to up your communication game and help prevent and I love this unintentional audience of use. Let's welcome Keith. Well, keith, welcome to the program.
Keith Bailey:Thanks, James. Absolute pleasure to be here. Yes, that unintentional audience abuse thing it happens. It happens to the best of us and it has happened to the best of us.
James Gable :We've sat. I sat in one recently, so tell us a little bit about your company.
Keith Bailey:So Articulated Intelligence is. Our focus is helping people with the spoken word, with oral communication. Ai Artificial Intelligence has come out with chat GPT. Right Type in a question gives you all the answers you need to have.
Keith Bailey:Well, articulated Intelligence, our form of chat, gpt is good, plain talking and a chance to how can we engage and get to know each other and from a networking standpoint, our philosophy and our belief is a focus on putting the person before the profession, and part of the reason why all this came about is people with the really, really great ideas oftentimes don't know how to get them from their mind into their mouths and to articulate in a way that where they're heard, understood and their ideas are bought into, while those who talk pretty all the time get their ideas heard, bought into. Well, those aren't necessarily the best ideas. People with the best ideas that have them locked up. Our goal is to help you find the confidence and the voice to be able to share your ideas where they're heard, they're seen, they're understood, they're bought into. We truly believe that when we're able to do that, we can create a better world. So our entire focus is to help you live a life well spoken.
James Gable :I love that and I love that part about speaking pretty.
Keith Bailey:We've all met the pretty talkers.
James Gable :Well, I've been looking forward to having you on the show for a long time and I keep a board of ideas, future podcasting ideas, and I've had network up there for a long time. A lot of my podcast is hey, I want to get better at this, so I'm going to study it, I'm going to talk about it, and then I become better at it and the network kept dropping down at the bottom of the list because I'm honestly, I'm terrible at it. One of the things that I do the worst is following up In my world. If you're in my world, you get all my attention High school, early career. When I left California, I moved to Colorado. If you're in my circle, you're in my circle, but once I leave that circle, I'm the worst at following back up with those that are behind me.
James Gable :And in general networking, I can come and I can try to talk pretty with you at an event, but am I going to follow up with that? There's probably not a good chance. I'm going to. So, hopefully, or I'm not. Hopefully, I know that you're going to bring us some tips and help us be better at networking. Why is even networking important?
Keith Bailey:Yeah, networking is important because it's relationships. It's the people that are in our community that we need to maintain that relationship with, because one we're communal being. There's a couple of things about networking, I think, to speak to what you just mentioned, and we think that networking is going to an event or going somewhere, meeting new people. That's only 25% If you're going to spend, let's say, four hours a month of intentionally, like I'm, puts, time aside to network four hours out of the month. Three hours of that. So 75% should be spent focusing on reconnecting with the people that are already in your network and reaching back out to them, whether it's a text message or what Ross Bernstein he's a professional speaker, part of the National Speakers Association. He calls getting scrappy. Pick up the phone call. People get scrappy and many of us these days you're in construction and people in your space have a chance to go to the site and you have a commute. Well, for those of us working from home, I don't have a commute. I've created a commute to where I will drive somewhere. Then, while I'm on my drive there and on my drive back, I pick up the phone and I just make phone calls and oftentimes we get voicemail. It's like hey, James, driving around just thought I'd reach out to say, hey, that's all that, it needs to happen. And when you get that message, like oh, keith was thinking about me, I'll give him a call back. Or usually it's like my third or fourth phone call that I make where somebody actually answers the phone and the intention here is just to have a chat, have a catch up. And the easiest conversations that we can have a catch up with is when we know something personal about that individual. Because for me to call you every time your phone rings and you see me calling, you know it's going to be a business conversation. You're like I don't have time for this right now, but if we have a personal relationship You'll make time for me. We can just have that quick, easy, fun conversation and we have a chance to catch up the importance of building and investing in what we call relationship equity, that knowing, that liking and that trusting and doing that intentionally makes it a lot easier for us to pick up the phone and have a conversation.
Keith Bailey:I remember the luncheon that you and I had. We've had a chance. We've met through Toastmaster. We've had a chance to get to know each other. We had that lunch together. We had such a great time just getting to know each other, which every time we see each other, we just pick up where we left off. We all have those friends like, oh, I haven't seen this person in six years. Every time we call, we just pick up where we left off. That's the objective you're looking for with people in your network. Nurturing is a huge part. That 75% rule. If all you take away from this entire conversation today is I need to spend more time reconnecting with my existing network and do it intentionally, you're going to be a better networker and how far is too long in reconnecting with somebody.
Keith Bailey:The longer the wait, the more difficult it becomes For me. What I have is I utilize LinkedIn quite a bit. You have all of your chats that you've had, so I do a lot of outreach through that and I have those personal conversations. So it's easier for me to reach out and look within the chat history. Because when you and I have a first connection, first time I'm having a conversation, we connect on LinkedIn, I send a message to you me, like hey, it was great to connect and talk about X, y and Z. Have fun with blah blah blah, and I share that personal piece.
Keith Bailey:So the next time I come back into that again, I have a chance to come back to that conversation. Ah, the last time we chatted was this this and this how is Johnny's baseball game? We can pick up where we left off in that regard. When we have long swaths of time that pass by, it's still that personal connection is the easiest way for us to pick up where we left off. But if it's all we ever talked about is work, how am I going to nurture my relationship with you If it's just purely transactional? Nobody wants a transactional relationship.
James Gable :No. And so you make a great point about making that connection because you're right, if I'm looking at my phone and keep Bailey, keep Bailey's calling me and you know, I know he's going to ask me about, hey, when am I going to get paid? Or you know just all that business side then that those are the conversations that you put off, and to make that connection I think is really important to go, to be able to go back and make those long-term connections, because you've really made me think about the people that I would still love to be connected with. But I feel like it's been too long. And you know, if I call them, because this happens to me, it's like uh-oh. You know, if I get a call from you know typically somebody from my family who died, oh, there's some. You know what terrible news. Why are you calling me? It's got to be terrible news. We're not there to check up and that happens, I think, in a lot of our relationships, without that connection and that tie-in right there.
Keith Bailey:Yeah, which is why, if it's been somebody's been a while you've chatted with that I'm going to come back to that. Personal side is so, so powerful is just to reach out to them. It's like, hey, I was, I was thinking of you, I was doing this, I was driving here. This certain thing made me think of you and I know it's been a while since we've chatted, so I just started to reach out. Give me a call when you get a chance. Hmm, all right, like, go back to what it, what it is that the foundation of the connection is built upon. All right, what is the equity within that relationship?
James Gable :Hmm, I love that, because I saw a truck of a guy who had left our company and there was another same company truck and I saw it and so I called him. I guess that's kind of that same idea, right, something that triggers it, that makes it a fresh idea, instead of just calling in out of the blue. That's a yeah, yeah, that's a great tip, yeah.
Keith Bailey:You know that calling out of the blue sincerity and honesty is is is huge, is it's James? It's been two years since we've chatted. I know that. You know we used to work on the same project together and time time changes things, but it's sort of catch up how have you been? How, how's what's?
Keith Bailey:This is a great opening question when you have that, that initial dialogue with them. And it's the same question that I utilize when I meet a stranger that I want to get to know. Is I ask a really big question, and the big question oftentimes has a first, a best, a last or worst in it. And the best one that I like is what? What's been the best part of your year? What's been the best part of your summer? What are you looking forward to coming into the fall? What is what is on your right? What's looking into the future?
Keith Bailey:Let me give you a quick story on this from a professional standpoint, because I do this with with my clients. When I get conversations with them, I ask that personal question because I want to get to know them better. And I'm on a conversation with a, with a standing client. Uh, we have a session that we're going to be talking about that's coming up, a gig that we're doing together, and then I want to pitch him on additional work for the future and I asked him. The question is I think it was January 10th, it was of this year, and then we get on.
Keith Bailey:I was like so, uh, what, what, what's been the best part of your year? I mean we're, we're into a new year. What's been the best part? I'm just happy that I have a job. My company's been going through a lot of layoffs and it's been it's been really difficult. I've had a lot of some people that I'm really close up had let them go, so I'm just just happy that I have a job.
Keith Bailey:Wow, that asking that big question, him being that open and honest with me, uh, we had a chance to talk about that a little bit further, but it changed my tactic of the next thing that I'm going to have a conversation with, because what I'm not going to do is try to sell them on future stuff.
Keith Bailey:This guy's got a lot of heavy things going on. So we eventually the conversation pivot on talking about the uh, the project we're currently working on, and then we wrap things up with. I hope it gets better for you If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here to to to chat with you about it and let's schedule our next conversation, because we show up oftentimes in in in the world and into conversation with an agenda, but if that other person is not open and ready to be able to to take that on that, that's that you're. You're going to have a negative impact on that relationship equity, because if I were to just salient forth and be like and I want you to buy all these additional products and services, he'd be like this guy's just not even listening to me.
James Gable :Yeah, and the, the one thing I've noticed for myself and I think, where we're turning as a society. I don't know if it ever really did work, but the pushy salesman idea, uh, they're coming in with the network of that relationship because, we can see it, a lot of people can feel it, um, you know, a hundred miles off, right, like if this is all we're going to do is get to the sales pitch at the end, then I've already turned, I've turned off texts before, or you know instant messages where it just was straight to the pitch. You know there was no care even for me wanting that product in particular either. Uh, they just want to get to their pitch, which is unfortunate, uh, where that networking, you're saying, is a little bit deeper than than just, uh, making, you know, making the phone call.
Keith Bailey:Yeah, it's, it's the. It's the intentionality behind that. I'm going to intentionally create space to to connect with you as a human being. This business is going to happen. Work will come up whatever conversation you're in. It's part of our culture code, right?
Keith Bailey:We, from the very beginning, the founding fathers uh, you know, they, they, they did the declaration of independence and we got that, and they're like all right, we got to get to work. So work is part of our identity. But the hard part also, especially if we're looking at talking to strangers and meeting people in in a networking environment, that presumption of that somebody has, has a, has a job, and just to dive into that, what, what are they in between? What? What if they just hate their jobs? What if they just got fired? Hmm, we're, we're not being considered of the person, and people do business with people that they know, like and trust. And it was actually a boss I had. Uh, back in 2008, I got my first desk job ever and my job was to do cold calling, smile and dial. Have you ever had a chance to do that, james? I've never done that, not once. Oh, it is. It's really, really difficult and I stepped into this thing. I had a ritual. The same ritual that I actually use now for for networking is to get myself into a mindset. We can talk a little bit about mindset in a moment.
Keith Bailey:But I pick up phone. I'd start making my calls and I remember one call that I that I made. I reached out and go right into it. My name is Keith, I'm with this business and where we do custom stocking apparel and you're with a you've, you've got a team that you ride on, and I'm not sure if I got that far, but that was my talk track that I was aiming for and this guy just goes, just goes, hold on, stop. How'd you get my number? I was like uh, to my database. How'd I get into your database? I'm like I, I really don't know, somebody else built a database. I'm just reaching out to you. I want to talk to you about apparel. He's like. He's like I don't want to talk about. He's like I want my, I want my contact information out of your database. I was like I'll tell you what. Soon as we wrap up our conversation I'll go ahead and remove from our database. And he's like this conversation's over, click. I'm like okay, so I sent him an email. It is not over. Yeah, to let him know. I understand. This is who we are. I've gone ahead and removed you from our database, but I had a lot of failures like that Just backed it for for like a solid week and at one point, my boss comes up to me as named Dave Edwards and he's like you're, you're doing a great job, you're on the phone Awesome, he's like, but you're always leading into into this, into the pitch, and that's not what people want.
Keith Bailey:I've, I've, I want you to try something. I want you to call people up and sell them nothing but an opportunity for a conversation. You're in the cycling industry. They have a love for cycling. There's that commonality. Talk about biking, that's it. And let them come around to like and why are you calling me again? Wait for them to ask you that? And I did, and it changed everything.
Keith Bailey:I called on a lot of bike shops. That was a huge part of of of our business was bike shops. And you get a mechanic who's got his you know he's wrenching on a bike, he's got his, the phone to his ear and and and if you're here to talk about this, he's like yeah, I don't have time for that because I'm waiting for a customer to call. You'll hang up back up again. But if you're like, hey, what, what's, what's been the best part of your day? It's like, oh, you're working on this track, madone doing this, that and the other, and I always rode my bike and I would do everything I can to just Lean in and talk about biking, ask him questions and then eventually he would come around like ways and so, uh, why, why are you calling again? Oh, yeah, I'm, I'm with Primal. We do custom apparel. Who should I be talking to about that? Oh, you wanna talk to the owner. He'll be in about two hours. Two hours later, I call back up again. Get the same guy like, hey, are you still working on that Trek Madonna? You onto something new? Oh, I'm onto this specialized bike now and we talk about that a little bit. He's like oh, you know, by the way, the person you're calling for is in. Let me transfer you.
Keith Bailey:That changes things. When you start putting the person before your profession or before your goals. That's what starts building that relationship. That's the small investment into relationship equity that is going to lead to a long-term relationship. You know, where relationships really pay off is not with the mindset of what am I gonna get out of this? I think that's a really my optic way to move through the world is what's in it for me. Those people don't do really well. Like, one of the best things you can do if you wanna be a great strategic networker is become a connector. Find ways of connecting people in your network to other people.
James Gable :Well, and let's jump into, we'll talk about that mindset. I wanna learn more about that because my big question is, say, I know a guy it's not me at all who is just terrible at networking, and some of our listeners could really use your support and I'm asking for them. Can you help guide us towards some key tips in networking? And I'm certainly feeling like there might be some mindset involved in here. Maybe I haven't had the right mindset, so what can you help us in understanding some key skills?
Keith Bailey:to network. That mindset piece is huge and one of them is when you're going to move into, let's just go with the traditional networking event, that is, let's set a stage for this, because networking events they're all out there with their own unique signature. So let's go with the generic networking event, where it's a room full of people that are all belong to a certain organization that has invited them in and really nobody knows anybody else. It's not even within your industry. Let's go outside of your industry just random people. Part of the mindset piece is having a goal. Why am I going to this? What do I want to get out of this event? Or what do I want to put into this event? And it can be something along the lines of I want to have three meaningful conversations and then make one connection of somebody that I can follow up with in a future date. By setting a simple goal like that, you're moving in, you're being intentional. So when you're looking to have those conversations, you're doing that with the objective of meeting your goal. And what's great is, once you've met your goal, you're done, you can leave.
Keith Bailey:Networking doesn't fill everybody's cup. It fills very few people's cup. It's stressful, it's draining. I don't care if you're an introvert or an extrovert. The only difference between an introvert and extrovert and a networking is the introvert becomes stressed and become a little bit more quiet. The extrovert, this guy, is when I get triggered, I get stressed, I become more talkative. So I have the tendency if I'm not careful and purposeful and intentional in my conversation, I dominate, I'll talk the whole time. That's not good. An introvert doesn't talk at all. There's no dialogue here. So it's really get to that middle ground of the ambivert. So, having that intentionality, I'm going to step in. This is what I want to have happen.
Keith Bailey:The other part of the mindset is usually something physical. To get you moving, get your heart rate up a little bit. I do an exercise that's called whoa this is exciting, where I physically say out loud whoa, this is exciting. Before I move into that room Like I'm walking up to it, you'll see me stretching a bit like I'm just waking up. I'm like whoa, this is exciting. Whoa, I shake a bit. You look at a dog that's stressed. They'll physically move themselves to shake off that stress.
Keith Bailey:We have a client that we've worked with and I love her technique. Her mindset standpoint is before she walks into that room. She takes a pause, she takes a couple of really deep breaths and she says to herself, not necessarily even out loud I belong here and so does everybody else. I belong here, so does everybody else. And then you move into the space. So I think that is from a pre-game standpoint, like pre-networking have a goal of what you want to achieve and then have that, get yourself in the right mindset, the other thing that I do from a mindset standpoint. May I ask you a question, james? When do you usually show up to a networking event? Where is the networking event in its evolution? Are you there before the event even starts? Do you get there? Do you get the rise it starts? Do you get at the height of it? When do you usually show up to a networking event?
James Gable :For me in general, if you're not 10 minutes early, you're late. So I typically like to show up at any type of event like that at least 10 minutes to 15 minutes early. I'll be there 30 minutes early in my truck waiting because I don't want to be too early. But I'll go in, I'll scope it out, I see where everybody's at and maybe this is an age thing. I'll see where the bathrooms are at and the drinking fountains. I'll see where those are at. But before I step in usually early definitely want to walk into something, not late.
Keith Bailey:Perfect. I love doing that as well. That is part of my tactic also, and my reasoning behind it is is by showing up early. There there's only a few people there, usually other early people. I've got something in common with them. They're early people, right. The easiest way to connect with someone is to have that commonality. The other reason why I show up early is if my intention is to show up to this event and network who at that event knows most people that are showing up to the event the event organizer.
Keith Bailey:What I like to do is I show up early, I find the event organizer, I introduce myself and then I ask is there anything I can do to help you get set up? Is there anything I can do to help you be successful? Now I'm here and I have a purpose. I have a job to do, and if that job is like oh my God, yeah, would you mind putting these things up on the tables? I'm walking around helping out with this and I have a task and now I can also engage with other people, so when people show up, they start trickling in. I'm already active in that space, so it's almost like now this is my house. It's how the mindset that I put myself in is when you throw a house party, you say hi to everybody that comes in the door. So I smile, I engage with people, I welcome them. They're like, oh, do you work here? Like no, but still welcome. I was actually just helping out the event promoter.
Keith Bailey:But what also happens is now the groundswell comes, people start coming in. I'm already in conversations, I'm lubed up right from a speaking standpoint. By the time the event gets to its halfway point, I've achieved my goals. I can leave, leave on a high note, leave when things are at their height. The hard part is for I don't care if you're introvert or extrovert if you show up in the middle of that event. It is daunting, it is difficult. People are engaged in conversations. Now you're kind of like, oh, I guess I'll just go to the bar and have a drink, which is not a networking strategy. The bar is not a strategy. The bathroom is not a strategy. It is okay, in the middle of those events, to go outside and refresh, to step out of everything.
James Gable :Well, and you made a great point of probably why I don't like showing up in the middle is people are engaged in those conversations already and I find a lot of times, if you get there at the tail and you're also getting more of a tired individual, right, they were there talking a lot, and that's very true, and I would have always considered myself in the past to be an introvert type person. But I have changed. I now, depending on the event, gain energy from it. Most of the time, I'm getting energy from these type of activities. There's not very few that really drain me, so I've changed my mindset in regards to that.
James Gable :But coming in and finding the hangar honors, those are the ones that tend to kind of hinder my networking, because I do, I tend to ask a lot of questions.
James Gable :So, before you know it, they want to talk to me and I haven't had an opportunity to really shake as many hands as I had intended to do.
James Gable :And one of my big boo-boos is finding trying to find if I'm stuck in that conversation is trying to find a way to get out of that conversation and also and this happened to me recently and I felt bad about it is I'm looking over and they know right, my attention is now lost with Keith Bailey and I'm looking over here, so I've broke that with, which was a good opportunity for me to make that connection. That was not a good approach and that's kind of a mistake I've made recently. And you know, you avert your eyes you don't realize how much eye contact is going on to you or avert your eyes once and they follow you. They're like what did you see as well? But how do you handle those type of hangar honors? But also, knowing back to that intentionality that you brought up, like I'm here not to talk to or listen to in some cases, one person you know I want to make those connections with multiple people.
Keith Bailey:How do you break away from that With honesty, truly with honesty, because you're laying the foundation of a relationship. So honesty is great and it's when I first heard these words from my business partner, elise Bloom, who has had a networking business for the last 10 years, a lot of what I've learned I've learned from her. She focuses on getting a positive RON, which is a return on your networking. You're making this investment. What are you getting out of it? In a networking environment, we are all here to meet new people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with identifying. You know it's been because there's a natural ebb and flow to a conversation and if we've ebbed and we've flown, we've connected on a personal level and we know a little bit about each other professionally even. That's kind of the initial foundation. So it is that I've really enjoyed this conversation and if you're honest about this and I would welcome the opportunity to keep this conversation going outside of this place Are you on LinkedIn? And they're like, yeah, I'm on LinkedIn. This is verbatim what I say Are you on LinkedIn? Like, yes, I'm on LinkedIn. Do you have it on your phone? I do have it on my phone. Have you seen the way that you can utilize the QR code? That's on LinkedIn app. I connect with that person through that QR code, I make that connection and then I let them know is.
Keith Bailey:I showed up here with the intent to have three. I share my goal with them with three meaningful conversations. This has been such a great conversation. I look forward to having coffee with you, lunch with you or having another chance to connect with you, stay in contact on LinkedIn or whatever it may be Is. I came here with the intention of really making three connections and I'm so glad to have met you.
Keith Bailey:I'm going to wrap this up. I'm going to go chat with somebody else or ask them is anybody here that you've chatted with that I should know? Or you can also pivot back over Is anybody here that you haven't connected with, you'd like to meet? Now you're becoming the person who's introducing. They're like well, who do you know? I met the event organizer? Have you met the event organizer yet? Like, I have not. Like, you want the. Let's go find them real quick and I'll make that introduction. That is an honest and genuine thing. That is, from a from a networking etiquette standpoint, is totally okay to do.
Keith Bailey:I came here with the intention to do this. This has been great. I'm going to go chat with somebody else. What do you say? What you don't want to do, what you don't want to do, james, is this this is a great conversation. I'm going to go. I'm going to go hit the bar up real quick and they're like, oh yeah, cool, I'll go with you. You're like, damn it, I, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. Oh, I'll go with you. What's happening right now?
James Gable :I'll go with you. We just got weird all of a sudden.
Keith Bailey:We just got weird. But you can't go to the bathroom in the bar every single time because somebody's like, oh, he's got, he's got, he's got an issue. But that honesty is it's been great chatting with you. I came here to connect with three people. Let's, let's, let's say, connect on the LinkedIn. And here's the, the important part with the LinkedIn piece.
Keith Bailey:I don't carry business cards. I don't own business cards because I believe in a, in a, in a, a healthy start to a relationship. I know that person's not going to be like we're doing business together. It's, it's really. It takes time.
Keith Bailey:So LinkedIn is a great place to keep that conversation going, which what I do is after I've made that connection, and likely either right after the event or after the connections happen, I go into LinkedIn and I send them a message on LinkedIn. That has a part of the personal piece that we spoke to. Right, we spoke about some that we have in common or some that they love. I will follow up with that. I ended up connecting with this guy and his son was just accepted to Purdue on the rowing team. I was on the rowing team when I was in college, so we had a great rowing conversation. As soon as that conversation was over, I went on LinkedIn and I sent him that message, because if I'm talking to six, seven people over the course of the night, I not necessarily maybe we can remember all the details of that conversation, but if I send that little note real quick in that moment, that's personal and there's a connection there.
James Gable :Yeah, what I'm hearing is one is having that intentionality. I like that honesty part as well too, but it seems to me that you also need to be a little bit of a driver to be able to step away from those conversations, and I think that's a practice. Right, that's not something that and I'm getting from you, especially as extroverted as you are, that's something that you've ingrained in how you operate. But somebody who's less, maybe more introverted, they can still take the practice of applying the honesty. And then also, you do have to drive. It's like, hey, this has been great. Those are all things I think that are skills that get practiced in the networking.
Keith Bailey:I want to take a moment, james, and also address that side, where it's glance, because sometimes you go to networking event you're like I need to connect with that person, I really want to talk to that person. So I've done this and it works beautifully. Is you connect with some of you start talking to them and you just let them know. It's like, hey, if you see me looking over there, I've been trying to get that person in conversation. I need to talk to them. So if you see me looking at them, I'm just seeing if they're breaking up. And they do break up their conversation, I'm going to have to wrap up because I think they're about to leave or I'm about to leave, but let them know that that is happening. It's back to that just being honest and open with someone. The other part, like that staying that focus piece. If you're able to do that, that is. It's so difficult but it is also so powerful because if someone is just focused on you and all these things are happening, but they maintain that contact with you, you flood them with dopamine. Right, that feel good release from the brain, like this person is really interested in me. And there's a great quote by Dale Carnegie, which is in order to be interesting and be interested. Don't make it about you. Do your best to make about the other person.
Keith Bailey:I was at a networking event for the National Speakers Association, so a whole bunch of people who spew a lot of hot air, like I do, and I'm having this conversation and I see somebody to the side like keep, just come by and I try to get my attention, trying to get my attention, and I was like you know what? I'm in the middle of this conversation, I'm going to stay focused. And a little bit later on they came up to like dude, I was trying to get your attention, you know, this whole time I was like I understand this, but I'm really working on my intentionality and conversations and they pause it like I so appreciate that, I so appreciate that. I mean, that's really hard to do. I'm like yeah, especially when somebody is like I'm over here, hey, over here. I was like I wasn't ignoring you, I just wanted to be in that conversation and be present with that person.
James Gable :And that is almost fresh and new again, because I've been the victim of that where there. You know, you know that apparently I'm not interesting enough. They see who they want and they're out, like, not even not even using good etiquette in response to that. But the idea that was so much distraction. There was one gentleman I was talking to and he's one of those that have a lot of words, right, just kept going and going and going and then asked a semi open ended question to me, like so what's new in your life? And then we're literally checking emails during that time frame and it's so you knew. It's like, ok, you needed to pause, right, because you're, you were thirsty or something, and then went right into those emails. It was just so deflating, really, because that's.
James Gable :But I see that a lot, you know, especially with the phones, right, you see it happen in restaurants, you see it when you're talking to people. It's like, you know, for me and this is I have to be very careful of that you know, I've got the, I watch that shoot a message to me and it becomes distra it's nice, it's handy, right, because I have it linked to my phone to where I don't I don't ever have my ringer on but it'll tell me if you know somebody's calling or texting. But it's distracting and to your point of that that I contact and focus when you don't. It's so refreshing anymore for somebody to really be interested in me and when I say me, I mean anyone is saying to be, you know, someone, to be truly interested in them, is that one? It's so rare anymore. That connection is so powerful.
Keith Bailey:Yeah, yeah, put it aside. You know from if you're going to step into that space and you're going to give yourself that permission to be there for the next hour and a half. President, in that moment, nothing wrong with setting an alarm for yourself, but then turning off all your notifications. And if you've got the smart device on your wrist is turn off all of the notifications and just when that alarm goes off after 90 minutes, turn it off and give yourself that permission to leave. It's part of your goal. My goal is to be here for 60 minutes and present in the moment for 60 minutes. Like that. That's a great goal. And then do that be in that moment and you first time through. You might only make it 30 minutes out of that 60. And it's okay to be kind yourself. Like I made it 30 minutes. I'm going to go step outside, check my messages real quick.
Keith Bailey:And this, back to that transparency is if you're having a conversation with someone and it's going let's say you and I meet for lunch If you know that you're expecting a very important email or phone call, be open with that in the very beginning. Set the next expectations hey, just want to let you know that in about 15 minutes, I'm likely going to get a phone call that I've got to take by all means. I can fully understand that If we're in the middle of talking and all of a sudden, your phone. Oh, you're talking right Like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, hold on a second.
Keith Bailey:Hey, yeah, what was that? My chop liver? Yeah, so having it's back into relationships that's what all this is about. It's relationships. So when you're having that first conversation, everything you're doing is the person is judging you, everything that you do. So if that's how you're acting in the very beginning the knowing I don't really know you. I mean, you were never even there. I don't really like you because I don't know you, trust you, I trust you to not be present in conversations. I think about how the other person is judging you. They're judging you by all of your actions, everything that you do.
James Gable :One thing I really like about anything in our communication is having like an acronym or something that's, you know, memorable for me. Do you have any type of acronym or how do you? How could you help guide me in a networking situation with some advice?
Keith Bailey:There's, there's, there's, it's, it's if I put an acronym to it's the PPN. No, no, no, it's the pen, it's the pen, the PEN, the pen. Prepare, prepare yourself for that networking event. Show up early. Prepare by by moving things out of the way and off of your calendar and your reminders to be present in that moment. Prepare by having having the goal that you want to achieve getting there. Prepare by getting yourself into that mindset. So that's that's, that's the P, the.
Keith Bailey:The E is is is engage, engage with people. Find somebody who is standing by themselves and go over with a smile on your face and an introduce yourself. If, if you're in a group of people let's say there's three of you speaking to be a good steward, to be open to inviting other people in, is you don't want to be a closed circle, you want to be. You want to be an open circle. So if you're on the end of it is, just take one foot and spin it out and open that shoulder. That's inviting. The other thing is when somebody steps into a conversation, they are being brave, we're taking a chance, especially if they don't know anybody. A thing that you can do from an engagement standpoint is if you're not speaking somebody else is talking is bring that person up to speed. Hey, we were just talking about about Corvettes and about cars Just bring them up to speed. That that's a nice way to engage now. Now they can join in the conversation as both kind of standing on the outside looking in from an engaged standpoint.
Keith Bailey:When we look at our tradition, we're still in our traditional networking environment, right where we don't know anybody. People are going to ask you the question what do you do? It's just, we're programmed that way. You can answer that one of two ways by talking about what you do. But if we have a focus on putting the person before, the profession is to answer it with a personally I. So whatever I get asked, what do you do? Because oftentimes when I say that I'm a public speaking coach, people will tell me that they hate public speaking, don't necessarily want to go down that path. So I start with a personally I.
Keith Bailey:Personally, I'm embracing my midlife crisis and I get that response every time because it's like yeah, it's a human thing. I can relate. I'm 51. When I was four, I was like God, that midlife crisis I got another 10 years before I get there. If somebody who's 60, like, yeah, been there. But then the next part that comes after that I forget the chuckle, is where somebody will ask me but how are you doing that? I'm learning to become a pilot of remote control airplanes, which gets another laugh. And then I pivot into it because it's cheaper than owning a Corvette and it's less drama than dating somebody half my age and of the three still own. My wife approves of what do you like? Doing personally will be the next thing that I ask.
Keith Bailey:So I've shared it's called conversational threading. I've given you several things that you could you can grab on to that we can have a conversation about. We can talk about midlife crisis. We can talk about airplanes and remote control planes. We can talk about cars. We can talk about dating women half our age. We can talk about our wives. I'll let you know that I'm married. I gave you so much the little details that we can have a conversation on. That's called conversational threading.
Keith Bailey:But then when I pivot around and I ask you the personal question, oftentimes people are not ready for it, and this happens all the time. So I was like, oh, I like biking. Well, there's not a lot of threads in that. So what I do I take this responsibility is oh really, what kind of bike do you like Mountain biking? Do you like road biking? Are you more like a casual bike? Or do you have an e-bike? Like, tell me more about biking. Like, oh, I do mountain biking. Oh, fantastic. And now do you like downhilling? Do you like cross country mountain biking? Like, what kind of mountain biking? Oh, I like cross country. Oh, what are some of your favorite places? Like, I will turn into a dentist and I will pull as many teeth as possible in order to get information from that person and help them with the conversation Intentionally to help them. And along the way somebody's talking about, oh, I love cross country mountain biking. He's like oh, yeah, I love that too. Have you ever done a trip to Crested Butte? Like, oh, I love Crested Butte. Or I've never been to Crested Butte. I will help with that dialogue if I need to. So that's the engagement part.
Keith Bailey:The other engaging part is when you do get into that professional piece and somebody asks you what do you do, do your best to avoid answering with your name, title and the company. What you really want to get to answering is why you do what you do. That's what you're working towards, and what you can do in this is choose your own adventure. You can ask a question. Somebody asks you, james, what do you do? You can ask them with, how familiar are you with construction? Like, I'm currently building an ADU on the back of my house. Oh, tell me more about your ADU. Right, you're now leaning in and asking them questions about their ADU. Get them to talk about that, and then what you can do. This is such a powerful thing because oftentimes the things that we do, people don't fully understand. You can then relay that well, that ADU that you're building, imagine that being a bank and it's three times bigger. Well, the things that you've got a foyer that you walk into. Well, a bank needs to have a larger foyer. They need to have these things in it. You can start bringing the parallels between something that they know in tying it into what you do, because if you go into talking about the details of your business in construction, I don't know anything about that. I'm gonna glaze over. This conversation is no longer interesting to me, right? So asking that question what do you know about, how familiar are you with Whatever it is that you do is a great way to help with that dialogue and conversation.
Keith Bailey:Let's talk about the third engagement. We've stepped into a conversation. They've asked us what do we do? We've answered it personally or we've given that professional curiosity by asking them a question. The other one is is if you have a chance to engage in the conversation. So we meet, we connect.
Keith Bailey:I'm gonna ask you a big question what's been the best part of your summer? What's been the best part of your year? Is this your first time coming to this networking event? Is this your first time coming to this organization? It is how did you find out about it? Or it isn't? You've been here before. I'm really interested in possibly becoming a member here. What are some of the member benefits that you like about being a member here? So having that big question in your pocket that you're able to ask opens up the door to now you're making them the expert and give them a chance to talk. So those are the three. So we've got prepare, engage. And then, lastly, it's nurture nurturing your network. So you're gonna network for four hours. Three hours that should be spent connecting with the network that you already have, and when you have that personal connection with them, it's a really easy way to do it. So you're gonna have to do it, and when you have that personal connection with them, it's a really easy way to follow up.
James Gable :Yeah, those are great. Of course, I love the acronym prepare, engage, nurture. You said a couple of things that are brand new to me, which is conversational threading. I love that idea. The other thing I'm noticing is your ability to ask the questions correctly. We talk a lot about not asking yes or no questions, because you'll get a yes or a no, and I think it's important to be one of the biggest qualities or best qualities of somebody who is networking and I would say human, to be a human being as well. But to network is to ask questions. Yep, yep, see, I did that in a yes or no question, so, but the idea is ask it, being able to ask questions and to get that dialogue going. Is this another skill set? Any uncommon communicator is being able to ask questions and get people to open up, feel comfortable, and that sounds like all of those skills you tie right into this networking response.
Keith Bailey:Yeah, it's curiosity, Curiosity. I've come to really believe that in all facets of life it's about having that curiosity and being a learner. I just want more information. I want to continue to grow and to learn. So, when I find myself, wherever I am because networking also let's talk about networking within the business, the people that you're working with. We spend a lot of time having conversations with them that are not work related, and it's an important part of building the relationship, of that relationship equity, that relationship investment that we're making.
Keith Bailey:When I worked at a corporation and having a conversation with the president, he's like you know I just it's really frustrating. He's like I just don't feel like. A lot of the team members know me and I was like I can see that, and I think part of the reason why that is is because you park in the West parking lot. You come through the West door. Your office is located on the second floor, the West side of the building. You come through that door, walk up that staircase and you're in your office and then you talk to people that are in that area.
Keith Bailey:What if you were to park in the East parking lot and then find a different way through the building and all you have to do every single day is just walk in and say good morning to people, Good morning, and if somebody that engages with you and says good morning back, you can ask them a big, open answer, A big open-ended question. And it doesn't mean we're going to be in conversations the entire time for the next hour, but it's that visibility and it's that being human, I think, is the big thing that we are missing in our work relationships, is that human factor. Now, I know you can do your job, but I want to know something about you. So intentionality behind our actions.
James Gable :Okay, Thanks, Keith. This has been great. There's a lot processing in my mind. You know where are we going to go with all this. So you gave us some really great advice and we're going to wrap this up, and there's a couple of things that we have to do is to size this down to what I call the UC moment or the uncommon communicator moment. Those who have been listening in intently, as I have you know, for the last 50 minutes are going to say what am I going to walk away with? I love giving people like one thing to walk away with them. What do you think is the most important thought that somebody could walk away with today from our discussion?
Keith Bailey:One of the best ways to move through this world is really with curiosity and an honest curiosity in other people, and when you have that curiosity of wanting to get to know the person, so many things become easier. Because it's a specific focus that I have Wherever I go, I want to engage with people. Now I want to make a statement on this also. Whether you're introverted or extroverted, right how you identify yourself, I believe that there is the ambivert, there's the coming together of those two, and you can create that.
Keith Bailey:I believe in the Shakespearean all the world is a stage. You need to choose the character that you want to have show up on the networking stage and part of that character's core values is curiosity. Let that be part of that character. Who you're going to be for that hour and a hour and a half, two hours, and what you're working for is when you show up and you've got yourself in the mindset that this character that I am here is a character filled with curiosity. I want to get to know people and it's going to make networking so much more fun.
James Gable :I love that. I mean that's a perfect UC moment to have honest curiosity. I mean that's fantastic. That's all we need with that.
Keith Bailey:And somebody who's curious, asks big questions.
James Gable :Back to your point true curiosity. Instead of being vague, you're really interested in that person. That's going to be the key to being in any networking situation, so that's fantastic. Thanks so much, keith. Big question for you is how do people get ahold of you?
Keith Bailey:Yeah, absolutely. Thanks so much for asking there is. If you're looking for just some of the content that that Articulated Intelligence has, it's wwwarticulated-intelligencecom, because I'm a baller on a budget. I think the domain name was like $200 with the dash. It was like $10,000 without the dash. I'm like I'll go with the dash, so it's dash intelligence. Then also Keith Bailey on LinkedIn. I'm sure we'll have those linked in the show notes, but there we post on a weekly basis and it's articles that are around communication. So a large part of our business is focused on the corporate stages that we take. Networking is one of them. That keynote that you delivered, that boardroom presentation, that elevator pitch, all of those are where we use words. So that's really what we focus on and our emphasis is really around storytelling and we help people really live a life well spoken by starting to look at their life and their life experiences through the lens of a storyteller.
James Gable :Well again, keith, thanks so much for being on the podcast. You brought so much value to all of our listeners. You left us with the UC moment, which I put you on the spot for. Everybody needs to know that. He did not know he was bringing the UC moment Typically. I sum it up, and you nailed it. You were thoughtful. I loved it and it's great. I'm honest curiosity. So that's all.
Keith Bailey:What I like about that UC moment and some of it you did that we should all do when you ask a big question like that is you gave silence and you gave me a chance. You created the space for me to be able to think about how I wanted to answer that. So when you're networking, the next time you ask that big question, create the space and watch the person and let them process and think about that. So thank you so much for that. Appreciate it, james.
James Gable :Absolutely. Thanks. So much, keith. That's all we got for today. See you, goodbye.