The Uncommon Communicator
The Uncommon communicator is the individual that has the enlightenment, to recognize in any situation, whether or not communication has occurred. This uncommon communicator takes ownership of the conversation and possess the skills to navigate and facilitate the conversation to mutual understanding. Taking on the experts as well as the Sophist of old to help bring clarity to the lost art of true communications.
The Uncommon Communicator
E109 - The Power of Now livestream
When Matt Ohly, Adam Hoots, and I gathered around the mics, we uncovered the threads that weave together Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" with the fabric of our daily interactions. This episode isn't just a chat; it's a deep connection through shared stories that reveal how the art of presence amplifies our ability to communicate genuinely and listen intently. We're not just industry professionals—we're seekers of moments that build bridges between efficiency in work and the fullness of life outside the office walls.
Embarking on a journey through time, we align the ancient wisdom of Stoicism with Tolle's contemporary musings on mindfulness, only to find ourselves anchoring each other in the currents of the present. Here, you'll walk away with a blend of personal revelations and philosophical insights, each shedding light on the transformative impact presence has on our mental health, happiness, and even the legacy we leave behind. It's not just about the stories we tell; it's about the space we create for growth and empathy amidst the chaos of past regrets and future anxieties.
As we draw the curtains on this session, we celebrate the electric spontaneity of life—how a last-minute live stream can lead to unexpected friendships and profound connections. Matt and I dive into the joy these serendipitous experiences bring, reminding us all that the present is not just a concept but a lived reality that binds us in its embrace. Tune in, and you might just find that the power of now is the gateway to a life of contentment and the key to unlocking the full potential of each fleeting second.
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Welcome to the Uncom communicator podcast, where we bring enlightenment to the topic of communication. Are you ready to take ownership of your conversations? Are you looking to possess the skills to navigate and facilitate conversations to a mutual understanding? What are you waiting for? Grab your growth mindset and let's go.
Speaker 2:Welcome to this week's episode of the Uncom communicator podcast. This week, I will be presenting a live stream that I had with Matt Oly and with Adam Hoots In a slightly different format. I will be playing the entire live stream in this recording where we dive into the power of now by Eckhart Tolle. The power of now ties right into our communications, especially in regards to listening and active listening and being in the now, and so much happened in these conversations I could not have duplicated in any other fashion. So for you, the listeners of the Uncom communicator, I will be presenting in this style. Let me know your feedback, give me some feedback on this. You can email me at theuncommoncommunicatoratoutlookcom. And remember this. We also have a YouTube channel. Please check us out, the Uncom communicator on YouTube, like subscribe. Check out some of the other information we have also on our website, theuncommoncommunicatorcom.
Speaker 2:So we're going to jump right into it. Here we go. We're live. We're live everybody. Hey, hey, hey, right on. Hey, thanks for joining me, you guys. I want to welcome everybody who's going to listen in on this live stream. This is live stream number two for James, so we're moving right along. Yeah, that's four, but we're moving on to number two and I am so excited here today. I've got just really last minute now timing. I have invited Adam Hoots, matt Oli, to come on and we are going to talk about now. We planned it yesterday, but we're going to talk about it right now. But why don't first Adam, why don't you introduce yourself? Because it was your podcast that led me to Matt, and then Matt will have you introduce yourself next.
Speaker 3:Certainly. What's up. Y'all, I am Adam Hoots. The podcast is the Lean Builder Hoots on the Ground with no Bulls Sheet, oh, where I ignorantly invited Mr Oli after reading a few of his stories on, and boy did he just punch me right in the nose and really made me focus on now. So that's who I am Again Lean Construction Shepherd. Super happy to be here, matt, I thank you. Maybe I'll kick it over to you for a quick intro.
Speaker 1:All right, matt Oli. I believe my title there says Average Knucklehead and that is exactly what I am. I'm in the construction trades. I am just a human being trying to find a better way to navigate this life. Man. That is the honest truth right there, and I am super excited that anything I have to say is of value to other people and specifically, that this book, the Power of Now, has been helpful for people, because, yeah, it's been nothing less of paradigm shifting for me.
Speaker 2:Well, exactly because you talked about how you've listened and I do the same thing You're on what? Five, six times? You've kind of rolled through it on the audiobook, yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, I don't even know how many. Like those first couple of chapters. I'm in the dozen or better, because that introduction in that first chapter on the audio gets me every time. If I got to get resented, man boop, click it on.
Speaker 2:Fantastic. Well, first let's talk to everybody who's coming on right now. Introduce yourself, say something in the chat. We don't know if you're there until you say something. We got Renee. Thanks for jumping in there, Renee, and thanks for following me on TikTok. I see you liking my stuff I put out there.
Speaker 3:We also helped edit those podcasts. James, he is a freaking. His design genius is next level, next planet. It's unbelievable.
Speaker 2:Oh, I've seen it. I've seen that progression. It's been amazing watching the edits that he's done for Jesse's TikToks. He's like I mean now, mine look like they're homemade, which they are, but let's so introduce yourself in the chat, let's find out more. But what brought us here today I think that's one of the most important things is the whole idea of impact. That is my word for this year. What are things that create impact and growth? And this one fits right in it. And there would typically have been a time where I would have just taken my time, like we would have to plan this out. We would have had a couple of meetings and I would have created some curriculum and we can make sure that we're covering all the points and topics. But right now, what we are seeing is this movement. Matt's called it out. He feels it's stacking. We're going to talk a little bit about that when we get into. What we are going to understand is the now.
Speaker 2:Now, as part of this podcast, is listening to Adam's podcast. Say, the boots on the ground, matt, you're a construction guy and you just get the general. Typically. You know, I'm on this on the job and I deal with this knucklehead and I deal with this other knucklehead, and you got all that going on on the job site. And then somewhere out of nowhere, matt throws in this oh hey, do you mind if I throw this in here?
Speaker 2:And he talks about the power of one by Eckert Tolle Never heard of it in my life and he just kind of toss it out and Adam, great facilitator, he's like go for it, I got you, babe, just keep going. And then you went on and talked about it and then it made me also dive into that book and I'm sure, with the reach of the lean builder, also others have done the same thing. And what you're talking about, matt, is this movement, and this movement about being present fits the movement that's going on about mental health, which you talk a lot about in your posts. All of these things are starting to jive and come together. So really at that point so I'm taking a point of your podcast with the lean builder Tell us what your take is and first, first tell us how you discovered the power of now and then also tell us a little bit about what it means to you. What is the power?
Speaker 1:of now. Man, oh man, right out the jump here. Huh, Okay, All right. Um that I was going through some dark times in my life and I, without getting too uh, too personal which I don't mind being vulnerable and personal, I think that's pretty clear. But, um, uh, I was going through some very dark times and I'll be honest with you, I don't know how I stumbled across the book itself. I think I was looking at for like some self-help books or anything on Amazon. I think my memory is not the greatest, but all I know is this uh, that book had a can I say shit ton on here, or do we keep that low key? Okay?
Speaker 2:Sorry, you just did, let's see it's out here now, keep going.
Speaker 1:Sorry, man, it had a bunch of uh, great reviews and I'm like cool, let's check this out. And I actually got the Kindle book to begin with, and then I ended up getting the audio, which I highly recommend because Eckhart reads it and oh his voice. Anyway, I start reading through this and that first chapter, the introduction in the first chapter, but that first chapter is entitled you are not your mind, and that hit me. You know, there are some things where seeds are planted over time and then they grow, uh, in a person's life, and then there are some things that just hit you like a ton of bricks, you know, and that when I saw that statement you are not your mind. And then I started reading how he fleshes that out.
Speaker 1:I'm like what, what? Take a little bit of fun reading Frank öffentlicho, like I don't have to be controlled by this hamster wheel in my head, like, like this, just you know these thoughts Just constantly going off in this life story. I've told myself that. I tell myself repeatedly that. Who knows if it's true or not.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I mean, is that how other people view me? I don't know, but it it just that's how I got introduced to it Was, and then I just couldn't get enough of it. I Consumed that book and continue, and I think, like I said just moments ago, I, when I find myself getting, I guess, uncentered or Struggling with the same patterns, which I still do I don't have this figured out, not in the slightest, but when, when those old patterns seem to be real heavy and pronounced, and like I'm, I'm moving and thinking just like I did, you know, before this, I'll click that on man and start listening to it. And so what? And I think the questions were how did I get introduced to it and what is it? What? How has it affected me?
Speaker 2:Yeah, tell us now.
Speaker 1:What is the now? The now is the now man. It's all there is. It's all there is. I genuinely believe that and and that's man. That's a tough concept for some to grasp. It's a.
Speaker 1:It's a concept that some people disagree with and, of course, okay with that. No judgment from me. I can't, I Can't argue against it. You know when, when he, when he says all you ever have is now, and of course I'm paraphrasing, but it's you know, anything in your past Is just that your past it's a mental movie of Things you have done. You've never done anything in your past. Anything you've ever done has been in the present, in the now, and your past is just a record of those things. And the future is yet uncertain. I mean, unless until we figure out time travel, folks, all you have is this very present moment. And that's accurate for here too, and for the people watching and and who will watch? I mean where, where you are, that's where you're at, like, like it's it's now. And he talks about this, he talks about the eternal. Now that you are living in the eternal now, it's just one, now, after Right, and, and that's that has really just Revolutionized how I approach all of life.
Speaker 1:Last night, real quick, last night, my five-year-olds, my 20 year olds, got a dance party going on with the five-year-old and her Neighbor friend who's five. They live at each other's houses. We just take these five-year-olds back and forth and I'm trying to do a few things that I needed to do, write some stuff and some different things I had going on, and I hear this dance party going on and them having fun. I went no, I'm done, shut the computer, go, sit out there with them, smile at the girls, clap them on. Hey man, y'all are killing it. You know dance? Yeah, I didn't dance, I do, I do, I do dance, but I didn't now that, not last night, but being present. So that's just one application of this right and I think it's applicable to all of life. But I'm like, why am I doing all this that my, my five-year-olds and my 20 year old are Are out there having a great this now that's where I need to be, that's and be present.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, Well, thanks, matt, and that, and we're gonna have, we'll have a tie-in to exactly how this affects our communication, because I think this is as much of a Foundation to being a good communicator as it is also being a good foundation to living a good life. And so that whole idea of being in the now, all we have is the now, those, those words seem simple, but it's gonna connect with some people and some people it's like you know, oh yeah, I've heard it before, because I've heard that be present, I've heard that before, like more than once, but it didn't connect with me until you shared that, that whole concept, just like you did, and I tried to explain that to somebody at work. I was kind of telling them, hey, kind of, what's going on? I didn't do it as well as you did. You do a great job of explaining that.
Speaker 2:Maybe, maybe I need to listen to the book one more time. But Adam, you and I, I just kind of out of nowhere, I said, hey, let's, let's do a live stream. I think I want to invite Matt on it as well too and you're like no, I don't know about that Because you. It had a profound effect on you and that's why we're talking about it now because we're all growing right now On this podcast and it had a profound effect on you and I think you're still working through that. I know I am like I I think you're farther into it than I am because I, at this point, I'm I'm like, hey, it's a great idea, like, tell us how it has had a profound effect on you.
Speaker 3:Uh, okay, thank you, james, for that awesome question which is supposed to lead me down a vulnerability train that jesse, uh is, is chugging along on here. Thanks, great question, james. Um, let me just uh, uh, yeah, so I believe that most humans never get to what matt just describes. Um, I love Like, like the past are a bunch of previous now's, in the future, is are a bunch of next now's, and the only thing that you can do is control that moment. Um, I think knowing and understanding that I'm not my mind is something special, because my mind, wow, uh, goes in a lot of different directions, which causes me to not, uh, go in any of those directions. Um, I believe, um, the other thing that hit me Really, really strong is like just accepting what is now very like that acceptance piece of this. Um, I'm thrilled to say that you think I'm a lot further along, james. I hate to break it to you that that is, uh, not a good perception of reality, of the now, um, and so I have started experimenting, um, and I will tell you, uh, and I'm going to keep this relatively high level, knowing that the audience is millions and millions of people because of the awesome uncommon communicator podcast. Communicator podcast.
Speaker 3:Um, I tried this last weekend and you know, I've been have, I'm in construction and I do a lot of working and, uh, I've done pretty well on the construction field, right, like, I feel like I've got good systems, good feedback, good reinforcing and balancing loops that really helped me to Be successful in construction. But, like so many of us, then I come home and I don't have those systems, I don't have that feedback, I don't have the balancing and reinforcing loops, and so I decided, well, I'm just going to try something different. Right, I'm going to experiment. Last weekend and Forced myself to be in the power of now, or to be in the now, all weekend, and boy was it powerful. Right, like, in one weekend, I felt relationships change, I felt people more open, I felt, um, I just like people wanted to be around when that, when I was living there, and that was really, really special.
Speaker 3:Uh, and I I've talked about this before, possibly on the podcast like I have designed my life such that I'm getting the results that I'm getting. If I don't like some of those results that I'm getting, then I need to redesign or change some things, and the only way that you can change things is in the now. You can't change the future unless you live in the now, and you can't change the past whatsoever. And so, to be present in the moment, I think what it does and again, for me anyway and you mentioned earlier, this is like the key to being a good communicator.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely 100%, because when you're now, when you're here in the present, in the now, it forces you to listen. Now I'm listening and boom, there's a thought gone, kick it, boot it out the door. What is happening right now, in this moment, and how can it be effective? So the impact on me has been amazing, matt, and I greatly thank you for that. I hate you, jesse. So, yeah, let me just say this right, you can't open up and be vulnerable if you are not now.
Speaker 3:So let's scuba dive a little bit here. James, how has this book impacted you?
Speaker 2:Let's see. Yeah, thank you for the handoff. I will grab the football. Maybe I can water ski as well too. I think that I can. This reminds me when I had Lance Furiama on, and he turned the tables on me as well too. It's like, no, I'm facilitating here.
Speaker 3:Okay, I accept that If you feel free to deflect that and hammer me again.
Speaker 2:No, I'm good and I'll jump. We have Adam for a short period of time because he has family commitments, so we're going to draw every bit of vulnerability out of Adam that we possibly can. I do want to. There is a comment for you in the chat. I just lost it. Let's see. Here it is. Good morning. Who's Lean Mean Kidney Machine? From Jeffrey.
Speaker 3:Smith, yes, that's my dialysis buddy. He was my neighbor through a year of dialysis and so, man, you want to talk about helping me to get vulnerable Just seeing his beautiful face. He received a kidney about a month or two before I did and is doing well having some of those problems. But, yes, that's so good to see him. Thank you for that, james.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thanks for jumping on. Yeah, I appreciate it, and we'll get to the comments in a bit.
Speaker 3:Oh, no time out. Okay, his comment right there, right Time to listen to Adam here. You want vulnerability. Dude living in my now.
Speaker 3:I discovered this dude, this person that sucks. He's awful, he's terrible. He doesn't treat people the way he should. He very, very young age was manicured and put into this body of being hoots. Right, like hoots is this dude? He's the athlete, he's the guy like nobody can be on that level and that's what everybody.
Speaker 3:Look, jeff Smith just called me hoots, right and every. It's easy to remember. But guess what? There's this dude, adam, that preceded hoots.
Speaker 3:And Adam Hoots is like a super special, caring people person who wants to make the world better, not just in construction but at home, and so the power of now has really helped me to find Adam and put him more in the limelight. Because this hoots guy, yeah, he's great to a lot of people and people love that guy. But guess what, he sucks at being a husband. He's a terrible husband. And for those of you that didn't know that, yeah, I suck. I suck currently at being a husband. But being in the now and understanding the power of being in the now, I have been a better husband since Matt Oli's podcast, and so you want to be vulnerable and transparent. That's what I'm talking about. Like hoots sucks, adam Hoots is pretty phenomenal.
Speaker 3:So anything you two can help me to remember Adam Hoots would be very much appreciated. And I don't want to get rid of hoots because he's a good dude right, that's the dude in the hat, all the time in the jacket and the like, getting construction folks energized. But when we come home I need to be Adam Hoots right, that's Adam's that dude at the house that is open and vulnerable. And yeah, at two years old, my twins and I and my wife all dancing on a bed on the floor, we used to have dance parties. Man, I can't tell you how long it's been since we had a dance party. So, thank you, steve Martin. I appreciate you putting that word out there, because and then, jeff Smith, man, like all love to you, my brother, like seeing you made me do that. Thank you All right.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you for drawing that out, adam, bringing the vulnerability with power. See that vulnerability comes with power. It's not a weakness, it is a strength. And I'm saying that to myself, I'm trying to listen to it myself, but thanks for bringing it out in such a strong way. And you did call me out. And I'm not going to water ski, I'm not going to skate through this, I'm not going to let it happen either. And I will tell you how is it impacted me as I've looked back on my life, and this is why it was such a huge connection for me is just that I have been I don't actually know your guys this game with this water skiing thing, but I kind of get the idea of it.
Speaker 2:But the principle is I have always lived in in the past. You know, I had mentioned like I'll cringe about something that I said in junior high school. Still to this day it's like, oh, I wish I had done that differently. That is living in the past. And then for a good portion of my life, I have spent anxious about the future, like always wanting to progress and get better. I think I've always been this self developer to some degree, you know, wanting to improve myself, but there was, there was never a happiness in the now. And narrowing it all down to what Matt is talking about, specifically about being in the now, and he's going to go into some practices that that he does that also tie into what Tony Robbins does as well too. We just found out, like we're stacking on top of that. But in looking at myself, I have always I've always had this, this anxiousness about the future, where there's been so many times I've been hanging with my kids, not there. So when you ask, like, how has that affected me? I have not been there for my life, for my kids. I have not been there in the now because I was living in the past, thinking about what happened during my day, and I would not take work home either. So I'd come home, we play Legos, we play littlest pet shop, we would do all those things, but I wasn't there, like I wasn't talking about work, I wasn't dragging it with them, but I wasn't always there. And it's the same with my wife as well. And I looked at it throughout the course of my life Like this has been a couple of years right, I'm not a young guy where I have not lived in that moment and embrace that moment for everything that it is. And when you said those words, matt, you know all we have is the now. Like everything happens now, like everything happens right in the now.
Speaker 2:One of the things that Eckhart Tolle says as well, too, is what problem do you have right now to solve? What are you solving right now? I'm like, what do you mean? You know, it's like I'm solving problems that are going to be coming up in the future. I'm worrying about ones that we had. What are you solving right this second, which is a great time, when he's sitting there talking about how you know he's, you're listening to the book Like, what problem do I have to solve? I'm driving, you know, maybe trying not to get run off the road, but it's such a great point of being in the now is such a huge reliever of the stresses of life. Yes, hopefully you will have Jesse chime in see if I didn't do any water skiing with that one right there.
Speaker 3:Unless you spilled your guts, your water skiing and there's a couple of comments, miss Patty. So just to clarify what is water skiing. So water skiing is when you ask somebody a question and they give you just enough information to shut you up and move forward. But if you are truly living in the now, in the present, and you're hanging on every single word, specifically that James just said, there will be a next question that will help James maybe kick the skis off and start barefoot skiing and then maybe, maybe, just maybe, will James. If we ask the right question in the now, he might dive in a little bit and, before you know it, you continue to ask those right questions and James is scuba diving. So, matt, do you have any other questions for James based on what he just told us?
Speaker 1:This is awesome, man. This is awesome. Yeah, so you Weren't always present, and, man, how much do I identify with that? I mean absolutely Thinking through conversations of the day and let me set up the question here right Thinking through the conversations of the day, wishing you to said something different, you know whatever, wishing you to made a different decision, how you're gonna rectify that tomorrow, all this kind of stuff going on while you're sitting with your wife and kids and it's the phrase that I heard time and time again from my wife You're here, but you're not here, you know. And so what do you do when you think about that? I'm gonna, I'm gonna deep dive you a little bit. What do you do when you think about that? Like, how does that make you feel that you feel like that's how you operated for the majority of your life?
Speaker 2:That's a great question, matt, and thank you for throwing me into the scuba gear. Now I'm gonna I'm gonna say this like knowing that and he's out. See that, I knew he was gonna be checking out here, but that's exactly that's exactly the point of the now, like, how do I feel about that? How have I felt like that for 54 years? Terrible, you know, knowing that I'm not there. But guess what? That is not important in the mantle, yeah, that's, isn't that there's some emoji like that is that that's it right, and so it.
Speaker 2:How? And I did. Now here's the whole thing, and I am a big reflector. I do reflect on a lot of things. I had to think about that for a minute because you have to process it. But am I gonna let that get me down in one bit, because you know what I have right now. I've got two grown kids, I've got my wife sitting in the other room and what? What do I have right now? I have right now my tomorrow is made up of my nows and there's just really some mind-blowing Stuff that comes from trying to process that. But what it doesn't matter, because what I'm in right now Is the most important moment that I can be in. So that's how that makes me feel and that makes me, I think, stronger for that and actually a lot. Here's the whole thing Eckhart Tolle is bringing about Trying to gain a level of happiness, and we are our most unhappy when we do all in the past.
Speaker 2:But we're also especially superintendents, especially as construction folks, and this does not discount I would love some debate on the idea of planning for construction, because we have to plan like our people don't plan. There's too many people I'll be honest with you that are in the now. They show up. It's like what do you hear for? I'm here for work. What do you want? That's not right. That is not what we're talking about at all. But in being in the now, talking about being in the now, is Something that that's what we have for us right now and we cannot. That that's where happiness resides, is Not worrying about the past and not worrying about things in the future problems because I know people that worry about stuff that Isn't gonna happen, may never happen, might happen, but they worry about those things at such a level that they are almost handcuffed by it. So that's what he's talking about in being in the now solve your problems that are in the now.
Speaker 2:I gotta throw this up here. Jesse's saying he did y'all dirty. I knew it was coming to the text to me that last night in which I applaud Adam for doing that he had made a commitment to his wife. There they're going to church and like, dude, that's the most important commitment that you can make. And I said, but it's kind of bad time and after I plan this thing. But now it's it. He didn't do us, he didn't do us all can I jump in there a little bit?
Speaker 2:worse.
Speaker 1:I love. So I love the response, man, and it's exactly the response because what happens? So this is where we talk mental health stuff and and I can only speak from my experience right, but when these changes start taking place, when you start getting real about you know Adam talked about who is Adam Hoots, not just hoots, but who's Adam hoots when you start sitting with yourself and and getting real about who you are and Maybe how you've acted, and with other people and, as you just mentioned, you know not being present, and then I ask that question what's a bit of a leading question? And, man, I, yes, that's the same way, because once you start doing that, there's shame, right, that there, there, there is a sense of shame that comes and that I have not treated people the way I needed to. In what Adam was saying, in what you were saying, certainly, I got numerous examples from my own life, especially at home, where I did not, I was not the present husband, father, I should have been, and then so here comes the shame and and you know Brené Brown, which I'm a huge fan of Brené Brown's work emotional researcher out of Austin, texas. For anybody that doesn't know, she says the antidote to shame is empathy, and, and I think that ties into with this power of now, because, as you stated and that's the same application I'd rather do is that what can I do to change those past behaviors right now, nothing, nothing. It doesn't mean I'm not culpable for them. It doesn't mean that I don't owe amends for those, in whatever way that I can. What, what? What it does mean, though, is that all I have is now, and I can show myself empathy now and go you this. You know, you messed up, man, and you you messed up, and, but you don't have to mess up anymore, and now I have this present moment, and and, and now I can be. I feel like we're gonna say now a lot, miss, podcast we have, but like that's, that's where the changes are made, man, and you talked about it too, um, you know how do you plan for the future, and, and, whether that's in home, whether that's at home, whether that's in your, your trajectory throughout your career, whether, whether it's the career itself. You know, um, as in construction, we have to plan, no, man, and it's funny how little seeds have been planted.
Speaker 1:Along the way from me, I was seeing a therapist sometime, I would say, mid-late 20s and I remember one of the things that he helped me with as I was struggling with all the just life in general is, he said ask yourself the question. When your mind is going off on all these things, ask yourself the question what can you do about this? Right now, like in this seed was planted 20 years ago or better and I it always kind of stuck with me, but I don't know that I really understood, or at least understand how I do now, how that, how that can be applied, and there's been several things along the path that now that I've been introduced to this book and the concepts in this book and other books, that really this thread of presence runs through, now that I've been introduced to these things, there's all sorts of stuff that I remember picking up along the way, that resonated with me, that are now coming together. I saw, I believe you posted a quote by Seneca.
Speaker 1:One of my favorite quotes just of all time is by Seneca, and he says the fool, besides his other faults, has this he is always getting ready to live. He's not living now, he's always, you know. And then apply that to our modern age here. Right, and it's man. Once I make this next career move, then I'll be living, you know, once I get this next promotion, or once I'm able to purchase this house I want to, or once I have a certain amount in my bank account, or, you know, there's this, and there's always this striving to get to a certain place where you'll be living, where you'll have it. And Seneca says the fool, besides his other faults, all the other faults they got, they all have this one fault in common they're always getting ready to live instead of living right now.
Speaker 2:Well, and that's exactly that's the feeling that I was talking about. That I've had for a majority of my life is just exactly that and I thought it was interesting. You look at a couple of the stoic quotes compared to Eckhart Tolle and, yeah, they're very much. He gets a lot of his philosophies and thoughts from that as well, which is just a really a deep theme, like here's another one from Seneca the mind that is anxious about future events is miserable. Like Seneca hits a lot on that. Like don't get caught up in the now, that type of things. And then another one is we suffer more in imagination than in reality. That's another huge Seneca quote that fits right into exactly what Eckhart Tolle is saying in the now and I've got a quote from Eckhart Tolle as well as the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it. And it's really when you realize that and that's one reason that and I've recently have delved into a lot of these stoic philosophies, because they really fit in line with what I needed and also fit in line with you know what I believe in, what I think and how I operate. So those things have really been kind of some guiding principles on the outside. For me and then these quotes you know from this philosophy, have narrowed my focus down to be able to, I think, have a little bit more control over myself, realizing that I don't have control over the situations that I have and this is a famous quote from Mr Jesse Hernandez is that control is an illusion and at best you can. How's that? Yeah, control is an illusion, at best you can influence, and with that idea and that fits right along these philosophies as well too is that control is? It's an illusion to think that you can control it. But then, on the one step further than that is why let your circumstances control you, because if you look at that, it's everything that happens in your mind, and thank you to Matt Oly for funneling this all together in it all happens in the now. So those are just some, you know, thoughts that are.
Speaker 2:We talked about stacking a little bit earlier, before we had jumped on this. You're just like things are stacking together. I don't know what's going on. There's a movement, yes, there is an absolute movement, and these things do stack, and Jesse also uses the words, the whispers and this is what generated this live stream today is for me, have been these things that I've talked about. You know you need to be more present and it started before your podcast and I can't even piece all of it together the podcast you had with Adam Hoots, and it happened after, and so all of these things start stacking saying hold on. You know, we need to talk about it while it's fresh. So we do have some incredible chats. This is all new for running the controls for me. Maybe when I'm fancy like Jesse, I can get somebody to run the controls, or maybe You're teaching me, man, you're teaching me.
Speaker 1:I've never been in here, so I'm watching, I'm watching and learning from you.
Speaker 2:Well, so, and we're gonna have to go back because there's a ton of comments, so we've got a lot of stuff rolling in here. It looks like I'm only seeing LinkedIn comments, so this is all new for me. I gotta jump in. I don't know James Campasiano. Do you know him? I love this because he's quoted Sammy Hagar. Like, bring it, james. Like how did you know how old I am? Sammy Hagar said it best one step ahead, one step behind me. Now you gotta run to get even Make future plans or dream about yesterday. Hey, come on, turn, turn, turn this thing around. I love it. Thanks for that, james. Love it. Make sure we connect. I don't know if we're connected or not, but we definitely need to. Mr Jesse Hernandez says someday and tomorrow never come.
Speaker 1:I mean that's what we're talking about right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I do wanna go back. There was a comment in the back that I wanna make sure let's talk about it. I'm just Patty Stevens, and do not be focused on what you plan to say next as a manager very important, this goes to the communication side that we're gonna talk about. Instead, focus on what you are hearing and invest yourself in what that person is saying to you, and then I'm sure this math plays out it'll pay off 10-fold. Thanks, patty.
Speaker 2:And that's the one reason that all things tie to communications. That's why you know, follow the uncommon communicator podcast, because everything ties to communication Our lean construction, communication, our issues on the field. I always use this number 95% of all of our problems in the field are because of communication, and the other 5% is because people are lying about the communication. So it's 100% of the time that we have. But yes, I mean, it's about being focused in the now and actually listening, and I think that's the key that really connected me with this as well too. Tied to this podcast is the fact that to really listen, you have to be in the now, I have to be listening to you, and how many times we hear it, we talk about it. I've done it many, many times. Somebody's talking. I'm having a hard time here because I'm looking at all this, looking at all these chat that's going on while Matt's talking and I'm not listening because if we don't listen and we're planning what we're gonna say next and now I would say I'm almost offended by it. Like I know, when I'm talking to somebody and then they're thinking about it and they're not listening, I'll call it out. It's like I didn't hear what I said, did you? You have to. We have to put a stop to that.
Speaker 2:There is let's see there's a couple other here. Alana Sparrow, let's make sure we connect. I don't think we're connected on LinkedIn as well. This moment is all we have. A moment ago is gone forever. A moment from now will never be. I'm Alana, hey, new York, florida and my you're all over the place. You've read the power of now a few times and when it came out in the 90s, eckert is incredible. So thanks for joining us. Alana, you're right, and that's the whole thing. A moment ago is gone forever. That's just mind-blowing to think, like what we just talked about 38 minutes ago is gone forever, although now recorded and on LinkedIn and available on YouTube. Subscribe and follow my YouTube channel, get me up over five followers and then I'll be a happy person for that Going into 2024.
Speaker 2:All right, we also have Jason McEwitt. Jason, thanks to your business, owner of Top Notch Grating, so shout out to you one of our subcontractors for, oh, so he's in central Florida there. So thanks for joining us and Denver, I appreciate you coming on. You're a superintendent but, most importantly, a husband and a father. That is so true to all of us, as we are so much more than we are at work, and I would say for most of my career, I have spent the time defining myself. It's like, hey, who are you? I'm a superintendent, I'm a millwright. Yeah, you as well. So tell me more about that.
Speaker 1:Oh man, that is so accurate, so true, and I think so many of us are in that space and I have conversations with guys frequently in the field and I know that's where they're at and when opportunity provides, I try to steer them in another direction, but that is how we define ourselves so much. If you would have asked me the question and I think I said this on Hoots's podcast, but I repeat a lot of stuff, that's how humans learn repetition, right? If you were to ask me who I was as a matter of fact and I noticed this when I re-listened to the podcast with Hoots when it finally came out, his first question to me was tell me a little bit about Matt Oly. Yeah, and you know what I did. I went into my construction career. Yep, I did exactly that. I said well, I started out in residential concrete and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and walked through my career, because that's how I've defined myself.
Speaker 1:When you start doing, when you start getting serious about being present, and when you start getting present and present, let's say, specifically with yourself you can talk about communication, you can talk about presence with other people so important and I applaud what you said there. Right. When you communicate with other people, being present with them, and there's all sorts of things this applies to, but when you start getting present with yourself, that's a game changer. It's scary. It's scary though it is, it is Because then you're, I've never done one.
Speaker 1:But they talk about these deprivation tanks. I'd like to do one of those, and there are many people that'll tell you that have done those. They go, man, I couldn't like the first time I was only in there for a few minutes and I'm out because all your senses are deprived Sensory deprivation, and it's just you. And. But now I can't wait to do one now, because that is the state I try to. It's not all sensory is deprived, but the state that I practice every morning is being present with myself and just being, just being. And when you start doing that sorry, I got a message when you start doing that, it just, it introduces you to who you are, way beyond what you do for a living, way beyond what you do for a living. And and then now you got to get real about that. How, how, how have I Behaved, how have I interacted in this life? How do I treat other human beings?
Speaker 2:Just, Mind-blowing, really let's, let's talk about that practice, because that, that idea and Of this you know that you kind of center yourself and you've mentioned in the past, so I don't think I'm throwing anything out there that's not there. You might have a little bit of attention deficit Possibly did you mention that I don't speak for you.
Speaker 2:But the idea is, the mind is always rolling right, it's always racing, and you have found a practice that ties right into what Eckhart Tolle's talking about, which is centering yourself. But let's talk about your practice because, again, tony Robbins does something called priming, which is what you were just introduced to, which was right, in line with what you were doing. But tell us a little bit about what with the practice that you do every morning.
Speaker 1:All right. So and and I'm gonna caution here and say I wish I did it every morning I do it most mornings, but I'm a human being like anybody else, and there are times that I wake up and it's just like, oh man, I got this to do, that to do, and then I don't. It's rare. It's rare anymore. I do it more often than not. But when I get up in the morning I do not look at my phone. Now I have a caveat there. We have crews that work day and night, so my work phone is always on. We're in the roadway business, so I do check that phone and that ringer is on in case there's an emergency in the middle of the night. But Check it, nothing major came through. Both phones go on. Silent. Smartwatch goes on, do not disturb, comes off.
Speaker 1:I've got a chair in my living room. I go sit in, I make myself a cup of coffee and I sit in that chair. It averages 15, 10, 15, 20 minutes, I would say. And I have some breathing techniques. I do some techniques called polyvagal breathing, which helped to really kind of just calm the autonomic nervous system, you know, and really just bring me which I'm already fairly calm because I just woke up, but you know, deep, deep breaths and then released Slower some. I used to count them. When I first started doing this, I used to breathe in for four seconds, hold for seven, out for eight, like there was a way that and there's that's called like the four, seven, eight method, and there's a lot of stuff that you can do along those lines, but I've got breathing techniques that helped get me calm and and then I genuinely just try to focus my attention on just being present and still, and as the thoughts start coming, because they do right, you know what's, what's the day gonna bring? You know, am I gonna write a LinkedIn post this morning? What's it gonna be about? You know, these thoughts start, start coming at me.
Speaker 1:What I've learned over time, as I've, as I've started to flex this muscle, you know, as I've started practicing being present, and you can call it meditation, you can call it mindfulness is I've learned to observe those thoughts, as Eckhart says, to be the watcher, to be the observer of those thoughts, rather than be controlled by them. As I see them coming, I'm not. I'm not judgmental, I'm not frustrated about it. I mean I can be, but what I try to do is go. Oh yeah, I, you know, and I may it's may have some internal dialogue here.
Speaker 1:You know where it's like all right, all right mind, yeah, I get it. You want to think about that, but not right now. Not right now, let's just, let's just be, and More and more and some days it's better than others more and more I'm able to genuinely Arrive at that place. That and totally talks about this and it's a term from from eastern Say philosophy is enter that space of no mind when I'm just being, and that's that's a tone then for the rest of my day, my life, and and and gives me the ability to be more present. Because it's just like, if you're going to the gym and work in certain muscle groups, you know you're, you get better over time, right, those, you do those things, those repetitions, and and you get better at your form and you get muscle growth. It's the same with this for me.
Speaker 2:The way I see it is, the more I practice being present with myself in the morning, the better I am at being present than throughout the day In in whatever aspect you're priming yourself, which you're getting yourself ready for the rest of the day, and that's what Adam kind of just gave a little bit of an inkling on that he's been doing that. That's why he is farther ahead than me. I haven't done this because I tend to get up and you know I'm like the cheetah, you know the earth, the cheetahs like all right, let's go get the day. You know there's a, there's a saying that says you know you want to be the the. You either want to be a I think it's a lion or you want to be an antelope, either way. So the lion gets up every morning and he says I need to eat today. So he gets up running and he's chasing after food, and then the antelope gets up every morning, says I need to outrun the fastest lion today to be alive. So either way, be the lion or the antelope, but anyways, it's that really that point where I want to take that time and I really applaud you for that. But whether it's every day or night, it's probably every day that you need it and when you do that, I think there's a lot of value to that and that's something, I think, for our listeners to take in and really understand that this is a practice that's needed in our society. Now, when you say there's a movement and I pulled up this Patty Stevens quote they're being mentally and physically present in the moment is so very challenging in our social media centric, digital device focused world, unplug be present. This happens only once, thanks, patty. And that those are deep thoughts, because that's exactly in line with what is going like very much distracted. You know, I'm on LinkedIn, I'm on tiktok, I'm on Instagram, you know all of these Facebook and barely. I mean my age dictates that I should be on Facebook but all of these things Take and distract our time from what is being and happening in the now and it's so hard for us, and so I think to have this as a practice going into 2024, to really take those five minutes. I definitely want to do that hyperbaric chamber or that that sensor. I want to do that.
Speaker 2:Now that we've talked about it, I've been in a room. It was on a project 30 years ago at who's the copier company, xerox, they had a room that had these cones. It was like a super silent room, like no sound escaped. This room had these kind of big black you know foam combs in there and you walk in there and you can practically hear your the blood flowing through your brain Because it's so incredibly silent in there. It and there are people that have gone through those type of sensory things where it can almost drive the mind nuts.
Speaker 2:But what we find in our world today is there's always something going on in the background. And to find that time to just be quiet and focused, especially in the morning, to reflect that. You know, I know Jesse has had a lot of conversations about how he journals. Journaling is how he gets those you know thoughts on. He does those first thing in the morning. I believe, jesse, you can throw that into the chat and let us know for sure. But that is something that those practices are very similar to what you're talking about. It's about focusing your mind and your thoughts and getting ready for that day that is coming. So thanks, miss patty, for sharing that.
Speaker 2:Let's see, we got Denver waters morning routine as a discipline I'm trying to turn into a habit this year. Good for you, denver. So far it's already paying off. So that's one of the things you have. Good for you. But the one of the things for me has always been consistently Consistency. Like I've enjoyed spouts of journaling and then I stop and then I go back to it. To me it's a bit of a chore and you know, because I do. I don't want to say a journal on the job, but I do. I'm writing daily reports on the job as well, but whenever I've done it, that's when I've been my most creative. So it's about that consistency, building that habit and continuing To do that. And I like this. Sarah, I just did drum and chat meditation. I'd love to know about that. I love when I can meditate in the morning. Makes it a beautiful day. So I'd love to learn more about this.
Speaker 1:Drum and chat meditation May have meant chant maybe chat, but Chant, oh okay, that's gonna be my guess.
Speaker 2:That's what we do on this podcast. We're going to decipher communications. I'm the worst. I'm the guy that I can't spell thanks or great on an email. It's always to hanks or gurgat. I mean, that's just I'm hope you know for me a communicator. I'm glad that you know we have programs that spell check for us, that tell me when I get that wrong. Um, uh, yes, yes, chance. So thank you so much For that. So you know we're getting down. We've got about nine minutes left, so let's do a little bit of a wrap up on where we're at and if any more comments pop up. I think there's a couple that I think I haven't focused on. Craig again, I heard once yesterday's history Tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, and that's why it's called the present. Wow, that's, that's amazing.
Speaker 3:Wow, I got through the hell and you guys are nailing that be present.
Speaker 2:All right. So that's what you, that's what gets you up on the main board right here, but uh what was you on the?
Speaker 1:What's that? Real quick, if I can, and I know we're wrapping up, but uh, um, a great quote, as we're throwing these quotes out. And craigs was a great man, craig, one of the first people to start commenting on my stuff. Love, craig, thank you for all the support, um, they had. There's a quote by and I'm gonna probably butcher this, but Lao Tzu, chinese philosopher, where he says if you're depressed, you're living in the past. If you're anxious, you're living in the future. If you're at peace, you're living in the present. Just lines up with all these. This theme runs through Stoics, early Christianity, eastern philosophy.
Speaker 1:This theme runs through so much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I popped Steve Martin's up there too because it fits right into what you're saying. He quoted Matt, that's it. He speaks 34. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow we'll worry about its own thing. Sufficient for the day as its own trouble. If you listen to the book which again it does get for me, it's a little bit out there on the enlightenment consciousness side, but he ties them to biblical things which are all in that same principle of why are you worrying about tomorrow? Let you know, worry about, you know, the things that are in today. There's a couple of other quotes that he gets in there that talk about you know. You need to be in the now the kingdom of God is now.
Speaker 2:It just goes on and on right, like there's so many things in there that are tied to now. So, yeah, let's move into wrap up. What I always do on the uncommon communicator in the podcast itself is I like to do the UC moment, the uncommon communicator moment, because after listening to us for an hour, people are going to walk away with something, and that's what I always encourage people Like, if there's a lot of information, if you walk away with one thing, then you're one thing better than most people, because most people and the percentages on that are going to forget. You know, for me, like you look at your podcast, that made an impact on me. So I immediately went and I got that book on auto.
Speaker 2:I don't do auto blogging from the library, I go free but I got that book and I started listening to it and then, when I had this idea for this podcast, let's do it now the whole I wrote for this live stream. But the whole thing is people just grab one thing. What would you sum up in the course of our conversation today is the one thing that people should walk away with other than just the word?
Speaker 1:now, which it could be it so my word? For? I never knew there was like a word of the year, like that's a new thing for me, right? Everybody showed up here on LinkedIn and I had somebody at some point in time asked me you know what's your word of the year? And I'm like, I mean, without hesitation, I said presence, so without using the word. Now I'm kind of sneaking this in, right, and maybe given the easy answer but be present.
Speaker 1:Be present and I would say, first and foremost, with yourself. With yourself, you know, there's all sorts of ways, like we've said, where it's applicable to be present with other people and powerful to be present with other people, or if you want to start making some real, lasting change and find some deep contentment and joy and peace and all these things that we want as humans, right, I think that starts with the tough work of being present with yourself. And there's no growth in the comfort zone right now. You're going to be very uncomfortable at first doing it, and that's a jocco quote, right, there's no growth in the comfort zone, yeah exactly, but you're going to be extremely uncomfortable at first, but it is going to facilitate growth in you that you can't imagine.
Speaker 2:Okay, I love that. Yeah, being present. I like how you didn't use the word now. You could have, I would have let you, but the idea is being present now and I think that is. I think it's great. Yeah, and I've been doing the one word. I do two words, but the idea is presence. When this started bubbling around, I thought, oh man, am I going to change my word? Am I going to course correct? It's not even I'm two weeks into the year, it's just typical right Of resolutions. But no, this is additive to my growth and impact and you're making a huge impact, and so that's what I want to do in the last few minutes is how can people get a hold of Matt Oley? Matt Oley's all over LinkedIn. Are you on any other socials and how can people connect with you?
Speaker 1:LinkedIn. I said I shut down all my social media last May and then just showed up on LinkedIn and that's it. That's the only place I'm at right now.
Speaker 2:That's where you're at right now. You are now on LinkedIn. Well, that's great, and I highly recommend everybody connecting with Matt Oley, connect with him on LinkedIn, message him, interact with your posts, because those are the things that also drive it to other people. There's people that sit around like, how am I going to promote myself? It's not about that. It's about if people comment on your stuff, if they share your stuff, more people get it, more people are impacted by it and just kind of closing out on that as well, too, I've been drawn to as the communicator.
Speaker 2:You're very poetic in how you write your posts and I saw Matt or Adam jumped right in on that as well too and the idea is that you're sharing candid conversations that you're having with yourself and that every job, I've seen a lot of the comments. You get a lot of comments too. You get a lot of comments that are like hey, I just happened on the job yesterday and when those things connect and then you can have that conversation with people they're having and coming about with some solutions to their own lives. So, matt, I so appreciate you. This was so last minute. We decided yesterday and then I'm trying to piece this thing together. I really appreciate you coming on live streaming with me. This has been a blast for me and that's pretty much fantastic. Yeah, appreciate it.
Speaker 2:I think we've got. We're forever friends now, just so you know, because we're connected, and that's all I've got. So that's all we've got today. We are going to close out this actually. Am I supposed to wait until this thing just shuts itself off? I don't know how this thing works. I think I have to end it. So that's all we've got. Peace.